Page 83 of Wear It Like a Crown

How did he know,how?

Leo’s veins had turned into barbed wire. Somehow, he managed to pull himself together, work up enough of a will to move past Joshua and unlock the door to his flat. Joshua knew; howmuchdid he know?

There is no Leo Graham.

Stumbling into the flat, Leo left the door open. He was still clutching the ball to his chest. Static was buzzing in his ears, making it hard to focus.

“What did youdo?” Joshua asked from behind him. “Whatever would make you change your name? Did you, like, kill someone?”

That last question punched through Leo’s stupor. He shot around, found Joshua standing in the doorway and shook his head, a little desperately. “Jesus, no. Fuck’s sake, how can you even think that?”

“I don’t know what to think! I mean, hi, I just found out that the guy I…” Joshua waved a hand around, voice rising. “He doesn’t even exist! I thought I knew you, but now it’s like I don’t even?—”

“You do know me,” Leo interrupted. “Youdo. Joshua…” He took a step forward and froze when Joshua shied away from him, bumping into the half-open door so it fell shut. It hurt. Fuck, ithurt. Joshua’s eyeswere wide in the grey brightness that flooded Leo’s corridor, a hectic flush to his cheeks, and he was watching Leo with thick confusion.

He was here, though. That had to count for something.

When he finally spoke, it was with the air of someone wading through a nightmare. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t even know your name.”

Leo’s body pulled tight with the need to touch Joshua, to bridge that distance. “You know who I am,” he squeezed out. “You know who I amnow. This is who I am.”

Joshua barely seemed to hear, his voice still that awful, bewildered rasp. “Did you do something illegal? Is that why you—Like, are you in trouble with the law?” He paused, reaching out one hand to steady himself against the wall. “I mean, a guy like you can’t be with a guy like me? What the hell did you do that’s so?—”

Leo dropped the ball. It landed on the floor with a dull thud. “Please don’t.” He couldn’t force enough air into his lungs. “I’m not, like, a criminal in hiding. I didn’t kill anyone. Nothing like that, I swear. I just… I needed a fresh start. That’s all. I needed to cut my ties.” The words felt thin, translucent. Painfully inadequate. “This is who I’ve become. Thisisme.” Breathe,breathe. They were too far apart, an abyss of space between them, and Leo couldn’t swallow back the despair that weighed down his voice. “How did you even know? How did you find out?”

“Did a Google search.” Joshua’s exhalation hissed out through his teeth. “No results. So I asked MI5.”

MI5.

Leo’s ribs drew tight around his lungs, clenching down. So Joshua knew. He knew all of it. Why was he still asking when he already knew? Was this a test? Did he want to see Leo trip through the tale, punish him? Why was Joshua evenhere?

When Leo inhaled, he tasted metal. “You had fucking MI5 investigate me? That’s so bloody… Jesus Christ, fuck you, Joshua. How dare you? I thought you were?—”

“There’d be no need if you’d just been honest,” Joshua cut in, and Leo took a step forward and raised his head, blood throbbing behind his forehead.

“That’s no fucking excuse, and you know it. You make it sound like I forced you, which—no,fuckyou. You had no bloodyright.” His hands were shaking so badly that he had to curl them into fists. “It’s an abuse of privilege. Why the fuck are you here, why are you even asking me questions? Didn’t your friends from MI5 already tell you everything there is to know?” His voice shook as badly as his hands did, but there was nothing to be done about it. “Hey, why not ask them to provide you with my DNA sample while you’re at it? Health records? Bank statement? All yours for the taking, Your Highness.”

“I wouldn’t!” Joshua drew himself up, eyes clearing, narrowing. “I didn’t even—I just asked for some basic confirmation, and all I know is that you’re using a fake name. That’s it. You don’texist, and I have no idea where you come from, no idea whether you even have sisters like you told me, or whether that was all?—”

“I didn’t lie to you,” Leo gritted out. His heart dropped. At least Joshua didn’t know where Leo had been, the decisions he couldn’t take back. “I never lied. It’s my fucking story, and there are a lot of things I didn’t tell you, but the things I did tell you? All true.”

“And I’m supposed to believe you—why?” Joshua gave a hollow laugh that was a wretched, twisted variation of the sound. “You’ve been all about me coming clean, like you told me to be honest and proud and out, but you’re hiding behind all these walls. Wear it like armour, like a fucking crown? God, you’re such ahypocrite.”

All warmth drained from Leo’s body. There was a blank moment when he couldn’t do anything but stare at Joshua, completely out of words. Then he sucked in a breath. “It’s not that easy.”

Something shifted in Joshua’s expression, everything about him sharpening. “Isn’t it?” he asked, and the question cut to the very marrow of Leo’s bones. Leo had never loved and hated him more, had never deserved him less.

Silence reigned for a moment, the ground swaying gently. The walls seemed to scuttle closer when Leo wasn’t looking.

Joshua ended it, his voice dark and tight. “So you… what? You were raised rich, and then your parents threw you out and you washed up on the streets? Is that it?”

Leo’s heart lurched in his chest. He didn’t reply.Couldn’t. All he could do was meet Joshua’s eyes and struggle to stay upright.

Joshua made a sudden move, lips parting around a shocked noise. “Because you were gay,” he said, no more than a whisper. “That’s why they threw you out, isn’t it? Because you didn’t fit into their shiny construct. Oh my God. You… So you were born a noble, then.”

Words. Leo needed to form words, sentences; he needed to… Needed to…

He stumbled back into the wall, felt it solid against his back. “How do you know? You just told me?—”