Page 73 of Wear It Like a Crown

Leo tucked his face into the crook of his elbow and forced himself to take a deep breath. Joshua’s shirt didn’t smell much like Joshua anymore; it smelled like smoke and Leo. “So this is goodbye?” he asked.

“No, goodbye was this morning.” Joshua’s intake of air was audible. “This is cutting the majority of our remaining ties, I believe.”

Leo squeezed his eyes shut tightly enough for sparks to bloom behind his lids. “The majority?”

“Well, there’s still, you know.” Briefly, Joshua sounded unsettled, then he regained his footing. “There’s still Nate. So I guess we might bump into each other on occasion.”

Right. Of course that’s what Joshua had meant. Not emotional ties, nothing like that.

“I’m sorry,” Leo managed. It came out quiet and desperate, and the silence that followed let hope flare—hope that Joshua would get it, that he’d see through Leo’s layers and understand everything without Leo ever having to explain.

“So am I,” Joshua replied, and while it didn’t sound quite as firm as his previous words, it still didn’t invite further comment from Leo. A moment later Joshua ended the call, and Leo was left sitting on the floor, phone pressed to his cheek, nose buried into a shirt that didn’t even smell like Joshua.

He counted to three while he inhaled, waited a beat and exhaled again, counting to three once more. Repeated it. The regularity soothed his thoughts. With each cycle, his lungs felt marginally wider, his throat not quite as raw.

Nate’s voice jolted him out of it.

“Leo?” Shock was clear in the name.

Leo hadn’t heard him approach, so it took him a second to gather his wits about him. He lifted his head and blinked his eyes open, the daylight painful. How long had he been out here? Couldn’t have been more than a few minutes.

He had yet to reply, had probably taken too long already because when Nate crouched by his side, gripping Leo’s shoulder, the concern on his face had heightened. “What’s wrong?”

Everything is wrong. The whole fucking universe is a bloody joke.

Leaning into the touch, Leo cleared his throat. “I’m in love with Joshua.”

“Oh.” Of all things, Nate sounded relieved. “I thought it was something awful. You only just realised?”

“Thisisawful,” Leo told him. “Like, there’s absolutely no chance there. At all. And I just—Jesus fuck.” There was so much more he should say, but right now, he couldn’t. The words just wouldn’t come.

Instead, he tugged on Nate’s wrist, and it took only a second before Nate got the hint. He moved in for a hug, and Leo sank into it. While he was holding on too tightly, Nate was kind enough not to complain.

For a short while they stayed like that—sitting on the dirty tiles, the afternoon grey and milky around them. Eventually, Nate shifted into a more comfortable position. “Did something else happen with Joshua?” he asked quietly. “Last night, I mean. Something that’s got you all twisted over a phone call.”

Leo burrowed into Nate’s T-shirt, voice coming out muffled. “Youalready know, don’t you?”

“I didn’t pry, if that’s what you mean.” Nate sounded careful, and Leo shook his head, but didn’t move away.

“Not what I meant. Just meant that you knew the moment you asked if I was all right. Earlier.”

“Suspected. You’re wearing his shirt,” Nate said. One of his hands slid up Leo’s back to tangle in the hair at his nape. “You’re also obviously not okay, so, yeah. Something happened.”

“Sex happened.” Leo sighed and closed his eyes. “Best I ever had, hands down. I didn’t think I was even able to click like that with anyone, but… yeah. Here’s to learning something new, I guess.”

“Huh. Always thought you weren’t interested in sex.” There was no judgment in Nate’s tone, just easy acceptance. If Leo could have crawled into Nate’s body—like, platonically—to hide out there for a bit, he would have done so. He settled for twisting both hands into Nate’s T-shirt instead.

“I…” Leo’s throat constricted. Now. He was doing thisnow. “I overdosed for a bit. On sex. In a manner of speaking. Lost my appetite.”

If Nate was in any way surprised, there was no physical evidence of it. His posture didn’t change at all, and neither did his tone. “Until Joshua?”

“Until Joshua.” Blindly, Leo nodded. “We fought, though. This morning. My fault, mostly, and it was…”

“Stupid?” Nate suggested kindly.

“Inevitable,” Leo said. He swallowed around the aftertaste of the word. “But also somewhat stupid, yeah. I told him I fancied him as a teenager, wanted to give him something honest, and when he thought that was the reason we’d fucked—the only reason, just because of my teenage crush—I didn’t correct him.”

“Shit, Leo. Why not?”