Page 62 of Wear It Like a Crown

Fuck, he needed to stop being a dick.

Tomorrow. He’d apologise tomorrow, when they’d all gather at Joshua’s place to watch the opening match of the World Cup—already a glorious event in its own right, it was made all the more relevant since they were counting on it to take precedence over Joshua’s coming out. Yes. Leo would apologise again tomorrow, in person. He’d give Joshua a hug and promise to be less of a dick in the future.

For now, he left it at, “Joshua, seriously, I am sorry. All right? Don’t take it to heart. Let’s just… I should get back to work, but I’ll see you tomorrow night for the match, okay? We can talk then.”

“You’ll be there?” Joshua asked, and Leo hated that he even thought to question it.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Leo told him. “I’ll bring the beer, and I fully expect to win my first three points in our little betting game. Take the lead right away, you see? There’s a fancy bottle of wine from the Palace cellar with my name on it.”

Joshua’s laugh seemed slightly forced, as did his, “Keep dreaming, darling.”

Darling.

Leo bit down on the inside of his cheek and raised his foreheadoff his arms. “See you tomorrow,” he said. “Stay away from the internet. And the telly. And the radio.”

“You’re basically telling me to become a recluse.”

“Aren’t Mo and Tristan keeping you company?”

“Tristan should be here any minute, I think.” Joshua’s tone had reverted back to something lighter, easier, and Leo felt his own mood lift. They were fine, then. Joshua wasn’t holding grudges, it seemed.

“Tell him hi.” Making his way back into the office, Leo found himself smiling and hoped it would translate. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Princeling. Chin up, okay?”

“Okay,” Joshua echoed.

“Okay.” Leo nodded to himself and shit, this was ridiculous. He was meant to be smooth and eloquent. “Tomorrow,” he repeated, then tagged on a quick goodbye and ended the call. He stood in the corridor for a moment longer, phone clutched in his fingers, before he took a calming breath, shoved aside all non-professional considerations and made himself move.

Back to work.

It happened before Leo had a chance to react.

One minute, he and Joshua were arguing about the match result, with Leo maintaining that of course, of bloodycoursereferees could be bought—in order to appease the political climate, that FIFA would do anything in its power to ensure that Brazil would go far in the tournament. The next minute, Nate, Tristan and Mo were calling out goodbyes, already halfway out the door, and Leo looked up and found himself alone with Joshua.

Well. So that had seemed like a well-executed plan.Et tu, Nate?Leo was impressed.

He was alsoalone with Joshua.

A moment of awkward silence stretched between them, the telly waffling on in the background, too quiet to make out single words. They started speaking at the same time, Joshua mumbling, “I reallydon’t think—” just as Leo said, “So, about yesterday.” Both of them fell silent once more.

“About yesterday?” Joshua asked after a gap that was even more awkward.

“Right.” Leo exhaled and glanced at the TV. He was overly aware of how, in spite of the space now available, he and Joshua were still shoved together on the sofa, their thighs pressed together. “I just wanted to apologise. Again. You’re a good person, really good, and yeah, there are some things you don’t know, but that’s not really your fault.”

“I—” Joshua began, and Leo shook his head and sent him a tiny smile.

“No, hey, let me finish. Okay?” He waited for Joshua’s nod before he continued. “Look, the thing is, I am a bit of a cynical arse at times. And overly defensive when it comes to certain things. And I don’t deal well with feeling vulnerable, so I tend to lash out. It’s a bit of a reflex at this point, one I’m trying to master.” Too general, it was all too general; Joshua deserved more than that. With a sigh, Leo bumped their shoulders together. “Thing is… I know you don’t mean to, but you do make me feel quite vulnerable. Which means that you are in the unfortunate position to have enjoyed a taste of me being a dick. More than once. Definitely much more than you deserve. So, I’m sorry about that.”

Pulling both legs up onto the sofa, Joshua turned to face Leo fully. “I make you feel vulnerable?”

In for a penny, in for a pound. Leo forced himself to hold Joshua’s gaze and responded with a nod. Unease was crawling along his skin, but he ignored it.

His reward came in Joshua shooting him a tiny smile. “Did you mean it?”

“My apology?”

Joshua’s eyes were calm, all his contours mellowed out in the dim flicker from the telly. “When you said that you wanted to kiss me.”

Oh God.