Page 63 of Ruining His Smirk

I shut my mouth.

Nate turned back to the communication panel. He spoke into the comms and completed one final check. He confirmed our position, systems, and readiness while I watched us get lowered inch by inch.

The water rose toward us through the clear floor. I clutched the underside of my seat. I wanted to ask whether the movement was normal, whether the crane would release us now, whether there was anything I was supposed to do.

Did he think I was talking about last night? Fuck, no. I regretted nothing. Clearly, somehow I had triggered an old wound in him. The words had exploded out of him until he seemed to have run out of them, and Nate was acting as if I had finally confirmed the worst thing he had expected all along. What shocked me was that I was not angry.

If any other man had spoken to me this way, if anyone else had possessed the nerve to sit inches from me and throwaccusation after accusation in my face, I would already have felt the familiar heat rising through my body. I would have taken the challenge for what it was, met aggression with aggression, and let the whole thing turn physical before either of us had time to think better of it.

That was who I had always been. I waited for the anger now. I even searched for it, almost expecting it to gather in my chest, waiting for the moment my temper would ignite and take the decision out of my hands.

Nothing came.

The more I looked inward, the more stunned I became by what I found there instead.

Pain.

Pain so sharp and immediate that it seemed to hollow me out from the inside.

Nate had been hurt by men like me. The thought was unbearable. I could not stand the idea of anyone hurting Nate. Worse, I could not stand the realization that I had done it myself. I couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“That was not what I meant.”

Nate’s hand moved immediately to the communication panel. He switched off the microphone before facing me.

“Bollocks. That is exactly what you meant. This is not the first time. Do not imagine I have forgotten what you said after the duel.”

The crane lowered us until the acrylic sphere touched the surface of the water.

Nate’s expression had gone beyond anger now. Hurt poured through every line of his face, making his voice tremble even when he tried to hold it steady.

“You said I was pretty. You called me a cheater. You said I used my looks.”

The words landed differently now than they had when I first spoke them.

At the time, they had felt true. I had believed them with the full force of humiliation and desire twisting together inside me. Nate had distracted me. Nate had winked, thrown me off, and then stood there looking victorious without acknowledging his underhanded move.

But now, sitting beside him, the accusation no longer rang true.

It sounded ugly.

Small.

Wrong.

The ocean climbed around the sides of the bubble, turning the lower half of the world blue. The water reached the midpoint of the sphere, the ship and crew above us fractured by the moving surface.

“I have never used my looks to obtain anything. I have worked just as hard as you have. I have earned every position, every qualification, and every fucking opportunity through my own ability.”

His voice broke slightly on the last word, and the pain in his eyes gutted me.

“For you to insinuate that I am some kind of lowlife who slept his way into success or manipulated people into giving me what I had not earned is unacceptable.”

I balked. Never had I insinuated anything like that!

He straightened his spine and lifted his chin. “I never want to discuss this with you again. We are done.”

Around us, the submersible slipped completely beneath the surface. Something inside me snapped. The raw, immediate terror of hearing Nate close a door I had only just realized I could not bear to lose was far more powerful than the fear of being dropped underwater in a floating bubble.