Page 71 of Heavensent & Hellbent

Dad thought I was going to work an afternoon shift, so it was easy to slip out of the house.

The expansive park had a playground at one side and was littered with vibrant trees. The rain had stopped last night, and the air was fresh. I found a spot in the center of the park and settled onto the grass. Despite it being summer, this part of the park was relatively quiet, and I picked an area with the least number of people nearby.

I was early to meet Zain and lay down on the grass, observingthe shifting clouds in the sky. My eyes began to flutter closed, and that was when I forced myself to sit back up. Bad idea.

“Rox?” I heard his familiar voice behind me. I turned, and Zain towered over me. He wore dark jeans and a fitted white T-shirt. His hair stuck up in different directions, like he had been pulling at it. He still looked good, he always did, but it was obvious he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep, either.

He sat opposite me, cross-legged, chewing his bottom lip, assessing me as I had assessed him.

I reached out between us, hovering the tips of my fingers over the dark circles under his eyes. He shut his eyes in response. I dropped my hand.

“Are you okay?” I asked, a pointless question, really.

He shook his head, eyes still closed. “I fucked up. I was too late to help my charge. Hassan needed me the other day. I just didn’t realize how badly, and instead of helping him, I got distracted. He was being bullied by some kids on the way to school, and they beat him up pretty badly.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, horrified.

His eyes shot open then, narrowing at me. “No,Ishould apologize. The way I acted toward you wasn’t right. It’s my fault my head was elsewhere, not yours.”

I shook my head. “You were thinking logically. We probably shouldn’t be together—if the past is anything to go by. But it’s not your fault, Zain. You can’t be everywhere.”

“I’m meant to be,” he said sharply. “Instead of watching over him, I was fixated on you and what you were doing, goingto the bookstore to see you, and that’s not me blaming you, because I should have just focused on Hassan and gotten the message that you needed space. Castiel ripped into me. Reminded me that that kid is special. I wouldn’t be surprised if jinn are influencing those other kids, spreading poison about him to get them riled up.”

Jinn, like me.

Zain seemed to have realized the implications of what he said and let out another long breath. He stretched his hand out, his palm cupping my face. His rough callouses brushed against my skin in a way that was oddly comforting. I couldn’t help but shut my eyes. If I was brought to Earth to be his downfall, it felt like he had the exact same effect on me. I wasn’t even thinking about university, my family or friends. Even though I knew that what we were doing was wrong, I couldn’t stay away from him.

His thumb brushed my lower lip. “You’re different, Roxana. I know I shouldn’t say this, do this, but I don’t care. I want you. I want us, and I don’t care if it’s forbidden.”

I kept my eyes shut, letting his words wash over me. “We’ll die. We’ll be following our past selves’ mistakes.”

“No,” he said with authority. I opened my eyes at that and saw nothing but sheer determination in his. “I think we should go to Castiel. Explain everything. See what can be done. You didn’t even know that you’re…” He trailed off like he couldn’t say the words. “You didn’t grow up knowing your background. Maybe that means this time it’s different? It has to be.”

“What if it’s not?” I asked in a small voice.

“Then I’ll die fighting for you.”

I shook my head. “That’s exactly the problem. You’re too good, Zain—”

“Hardly,” he interrupted, eyes blazing. “Being an angel means you make difficult decisions. It’s what we’re taught. But it doesn’t make you a saint. I never said I was, and I care about you, Roxana. I can’t walk away from you. I tried, lasted two days, and felt like I was being gutted the entire time. We will find a solution, and we will live.”

I rose to my knees and kissed him. “Okay. Let’s fight for us.”

My words triggered a memory. When I gripped onto it, I realized how long the thread buried within me was. I was reminded of feeling a chill within my bones, of searing pain, of wanting to die, feeling like I might die, and Zal’s hands clutching mine, urging me to keep going, that it would be okay, to hold on, to push.

Baby cries.Mybaby crying. A surge of release when he left my body and entered the world. The loss of him within me. He looked like a strange creature, covered in mucus, but that thought was far from my mind. Overriding the strangeness of this being that came from me was the fact that he was mine, ours, and in the small room, while I held our son, Zal encircled me in his arms, relief coursing through his very being that we were safe and alive.

“I will protect you both,” he said. “I’ll fight for you both, always.”

“We’ll fight,” I amended with a clarity, a sharpness I had never known before.

I had never felt any maternal instincts. I mean, I was a teenager, and I wasn’t even sure I ever wanted children, yet Iexperienced the emotions so strongly. The need to protect my baby, that I would die doing it.

And just as quickly as the memory emerged, it faded, folding itself back into the recesses of my brain.

“What is it?” Zain asked now, gazing at me cautiously.

“I remembered something,” I said slowly. “I think we had a child.”