Page 66 of Heavensent & Hellbent

I sat alone in a filthy room that was devoid of much other than blankets on the floor. An emotion overcame me. Loss. Over half of me being snatched away, of being limp, incomplete, of having little to live for.

I knew I wasn’t Rabiya but someone else, someone whofelt much heavier, darker, and lonelier. She had lost everything, and everyone she had loved.

On the concrete floor was a cobra, raised at eye level with me. Her body was striped, gray, yellow, and cream, scales beautiful and tough. I was calm, and we looked each other in the eye. I spoke to her, the hissing that came out of my mouth fluent, a long-learned melody for my only friend.

The cobra responded, hesitant that I really meant what I had told her to do.

“I need to be with my love,” I uttered. “Please.”

The snake moved quickly, piercing my arm, then my leg, letting the venom settle into my bloodstream. I knew I would die, and I smiled as I felt the poison infect me. I gave the snake its reward: rodents I had gathered in a cardboard box.

While she ate, I lay back on my blankets, whispering the words I hoped would be true: “I’ll be with you soon, Kamran.”

I woke to Zain’s hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently.

“Roxana?” Zain said, his breath warm against my cheek. Turning to face him, I was in a daze. “You were talking in your sleep,” he whispered. “I wasn’t sure if it was the jinn again…”

I shook my head, “No. It was just a dream—a memory, I think.”

Zain rested his head on his hand to better look at me.

Unlike before, when I was so tired I didn’t quite feel the full effect of being in bed with Zain, now my senses were hyperaware of how close he was. Of how, even though he tried to give me space in the bed, I was overcome with the heat radiating from his body. I reached my leg out, and my toe rested against his calf. Even that felt too intimate, my body unable to handle it. I moved my foot away.

“What did you see?” he asked.

“Did you not see it, too?”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” he said softly. “I wanted to be there for you, in case the jinn came again and you needed me to wake you.”

I turned so I was facing him and lightly touched his chest. “Thank you,” I said, though a part of me was still in my dream. I had thought my past selves foolish for choosing Zain over living, but I’d seen in action how living without him seemed to break me. I felt the despair in this last version of me so much more than in Rabiya’s.

“What are you thinking?” Zain murmured in my ear.

Shaking my head, I sighed. It was much louder than I had intended. “Too many things.” My hand was still on his chest, and when I began to move it, he rested his hand on top of mine. His was warm, his grip firm. He interlaced his fingers with mine and raised our hands to his face. He kissed the back of my hand, his lips soft and tender. I wished it was my lips he was kissing—and I knew that wish could be very easily granted if I leaned in. But was that what a jinn would do? Tempt an angel?Or was I being a normal person? Who was to say whether my actions had malicious intent?

He rested our joined hands against his cheek. “You can tell me,” he whispered.

“I don’t want to talk right now.”

Zain’s brow furrowed. “You want to go back to sleep?”

I shook my head and unconsciously began biting my bottom lip.

Zain’s eyes moved down to my lips, and he released my hand, shifting so he could use both of his hands to cup my face. “Roxana, do you want me to kiss you?” he asked, his voice smooth. The way he said my name sent my heart rate up.

With his hands caressing my face, and having him this close to me, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. All I really knew was that I needed Zain’s lips on mine.

“You don’t have to ask,” I said in a breath.

“I do,” he countered. “The last time we kissed, you ghosted me for a week.”

His words made me wince. I deserved that. “Yes, please, kiss me now.”

He looked like he wanted to question me again about what was going on but thought better of it. He closed the inches between us, and our lips found each other. I wrapped my arms around his neck while his hands moved to my waist. I shivered into him, and he moved his lips from my mouth down to my neck. The delicate flesh there was sensitive, his supple lips making my nerves go haywire. His touch, his mouth drove me wild. I needed him, needed more, needed him even closer to me.

Instead, his lips left my neck, and my eyes fluttered open to see his face colored with concern. He pressed his forehead against mine, groaning in frustration.

“What?” I whispered.