Page 55 of Heavensent & Hellbent

“I shouldn’t have brought you into all this,” he said. “It’s not the past that scares me, but what it means for you.”

“I don’t—”

“We always die. That’s what Jamshid said. Our love always ends with us dead. I don’t want that for you.”

“It doesn’t have to happen. It’s not like it’s guaranteed.”

Zain didn’t seem convinced. “He said our past lives—not just one, but all of them. And it makes sense that it would happen now. Everything I touch I ruin.” He spoke so quietly I wasn’t sure I had heard him right.

“What? That’s not true.”

“I didn’t tell you how my mom died, did I?” he said. I shook my head. I had been waiting for the right time to ask him again, deciding to give him the space to tell me. “My dad accused her of having an affair after I was born. Because I came out ofthe womb with blond hair and they both had dark hair. The day I was born, he immediately rejected me, shouting in the hospital that my mom had cheated on him. He made a scene, trashed the hospital. He was, still probably is, a terrible man. He told everyone that my mom had an affair, and her family believed him. Everyone did. I don’t think he ever loved her, can love anything, really.” He paused, taking a breath. “She must have had postpartum depression, and being ostracized by all her family and friends…she took her own life.” His eyes were glazed, and it broke my heart. My own eyes were wet, too.

“Oh, Zain,” I whispered.

“Only after she died did he do a paternity test. She hadn’t had an affair, obviously. But it was my fault. For being different. And he still didn’t want me, didn’t want a reminder of it all, so my aunt took me in. My mom died, in part, because of me.”

My hand moved over to stroke his cheek. His features were fixed and solid, eyebrows furrowed, lips in a firm line. But when my hand touched his face, he softened, relaxing into my touch.

“Zain,” I whispered. “None of that was your fault.”

He shut his eyes and shook his head ever so slightly.

“No, you need to listen to me. What your dad did, what he drove your mum to, none of that is your fault. You were only a baby.”

“I don’t want to be the reason you die, too.”

The words were sobering, but I had to be strong for him, so I gulped down any fears and said, “I won’t. We won’t die, Zain.” I ran my fingers along his brow. “Thank you for telling me. I’m always here if you want to talk about it.”

His eyes opened then. “Thank you.” A small smile touched his lips. “Shouldn’t I be comforting you, the human?”

“Well,” I began, “sometimes angels need humans, too.”

The air felt charged with something new this time. I moved closer to the driver’s side. Zain put his hand over mine, which was still on his cheek. He wrapped his hand around mine, bringing it down to his lips to press a kiss there. His lips were soft, and gentle, and even though the kiss was chaste, I still felt a shiver run down my spine.

“When we first met,” he began quietly, “I tried to play it cool, but I instantly felt like I knew you. Even the way you smelled felt like home. A home I never knew.”

Nerves encircled me. I had never kissed anyone before, but right now, with Zain this close to me, saying words I never thought I’d hear, I wanted his lips on mine desperately, as though it could soothe the pain we were both feeling.

“I felt like I knew you, too,” I said slowly. “I mean, I was drawing you that day in the diner—I don’t know if you noticed.”

Zain’s eyes glittered. “I did.”

My cheeks began to burn, and I tried to look away, but he made a noise of disapproval.

“Roxana, don’t be embarrassed. Not with me, never with me.”

“Just because our past selves—”

“Fuck our past selves for a second.”

I couldn’t help it; a breathless laugh flew out of me.

“I shouldn’t do this,” he muttered.

“Do what?” I asked, though I knew from the way his eyes swept down to my lips and back to my eyes. The way he looked like he needed me. I was certain his expression mirrored mine.

He leaned over so our lips were only inches apart. I could feel his soft breath. Feelings I’d never had before stirred within me. He seemed to be thinking about what he would do next, weighing his options, keeping us in this moment, time ceasing to exist.