Page 25 of Infamous

Icy panic rose in Eddie’s chest. ‘That’s not .?.?. I haven’t grown out of anything. You haven’t either, Rose. You’re just pretending, you’re playing along so that—’

‘Eddie,’ Rose said, exasperated. ‘I am not the same person I was when I was a child. I want different things. I am notpretendingto enjoy people and parties and dancing – I actually do enjoy them. You always knew who you were. Who you were going to be. Awriter. God, you dragged me and your family into bookshops enough times, to show usexactlywhere your name would be on the shelf. That’s how certain you were about your future. You could quite literally point to it. I didn’t know what I wanted, it took me a long time to realise, and then I .?.?. Well.’ She made an abortive movement with her hands and then paused for a second before continuing, more in control of her tone. ‘There are many things I can’t have, but Icanbuild a place where I feel at home. Where people like .?.?. people like Albert and me .?.?. can feel truly welcome. This is me being realistic aboutmyprospects. The sort of life I might hope to lead. And, on balance .?.?. I think a life with a nice gentleman like Albert and a home that’s a haven will be quite enough for me. I would love for you to be part of that life. But not if you’re going to be dreadful to me every day because you’re angry that I’ve grown up, and you want to be eight and covered in mud and holding hands in that treehouse forever.’

The silence that followed this felt impressively awful. Rose was looking at her evenly, as if she’d said something completely reasonable, which was obviouslyinsane; Eddie wanted to argue, to attempt to take apart every word Rose had said and show her exactly how wrong she was – but she didn’t want to appear to be as dreadful as Rose had made her out to be, even if she sometimes suspected that she was.

The bell rang downstairs. It felt entirely irrelevant to the two of them in this room, havingthisconversation, but a moment later they heard footsteps on the stairs and then there was a quick rap at the door.

‘Miss Li?’ said Jemima. ‘Rose? Mr Rednock has come to have a nightcap with your parents.’

‘Thank you, Jemima,’ Rose called, her voice steady.

‘Please don’t go down there,’ said Eddie. The stakes felt strangely high, all of a sudden. ‘We aren’t finished talking.’

Rose looked at her quizzically, her dark eyes shining in the low light. ‘What would you have me do instead?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Eddie. ‘Stay here. With me. I need to .?.?. I need to get things straight, I don’t want us to quarrel—’

‘I am going downstairs,’ said Rose. ‘You are welcome to join me.’

She got to her feet and smoothed down her dress, walking to the mirror to check her hair, which needed re-pinning. Eddie wanted to do it – wanted to gather up handfuls of that long, dark silk and carefully slide the pins back in, feeling Rose relax back against her chest, knowing that she was the only one who could touch Rose like that for the time being – but she couldn’t move. She wondered why it felt so much like her heart was breaking.

‘I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you, Ed. But you’ve disappointed me, too. It was silly, I suppose, but .?.?. I really thought that after the initial shock, you’d be happy for me.’

Eddie didn’t say anything. She didn’t say anything as Rose kept putting up her hair, or when she noticed that despite how calmly she had spoken, her hands were trembling so that she kept fumbling the pins; she didn’t say anything when Rose turned around to look at her quickly, the briefest of glances from under her eyelashes, and then left the room.

It was only when she heard Rose reach the bottom of the stairs, when she heard Mrs Li’s voice rise in greeting and Albert say something in a low, amiable grumble, that she felt able to move again. She sat down on the bed and stared at the back of the door.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, to the only audience she could bear to hear it.

Chapter Eleven

Eddie tried to sneak out without notice – she was sure that even if Mr and Mrs Lihadseen her, they would have pretended not to rather than be forced to invite her into the drawing room for a drink – but she hadn’t reckoned on Albert wanting to speak to her.

‘Miss Miller,’ he said, as she tried to flit across the doorway and only succeeded in looking like she was performing in some sort of pantomime. ‘Good evening! I have just been at Mr Nicholson’s, I wondered if I had missed you there.’

‘Oh,’ said Eddie, trying to do a convincing impression of a friendly person. ‘Good evening, Mr Rednock. Why might I have been there?’

‘Ah,’ said Albert. ‘I take it you didn’t read the papers.’

‘Edith was just leaving,’ Mrs Li said hopefully, but Albert had produced a folded newspaper from somewhere about his person, and Eddie came forwards to take it from him.

‘But .?.?. this is .?.?.’ Eddie said, her eyes quickly scanning the page.

‘An attack on Mr Nicholson on all fronts, yes,’ said Albert grimly. ‘It’s hardly areview, although it certainly purports to be one. I imagine it was paid for by somebody with a rather potent grudge who doesn’t have the courage to challenge him, and decided to throw down in the papers instead.’

‘But it says here that he’s washed-up, and he’ll never write again,’ said Eddie, horrified. ‘Good God. Poor Nash.’

‘I’m sure he’s weathered worse,’ said Rose.

Eddie hadn’t dared look at her since she’d entered, and she didn’t try now.

‘I was there for an hour or so,’ said Albert. ‘He’s not in the best shape.’

‘Of course, he must be in need of comfort, friendly faces – I shall call in on him at once,’ said Eddie, dropping the newspaper onto the table and turning to go before remembering her audience. ‘I mean .?.?. I shall go home, of course. And .?.?. pray for him. And see him at a later date, when I am properly accompanied. Good evening, Mr Li. Mrs Li! Thank you for having me for dinner.’

Where anybody else might have been highly offended, Rose’s parents just looked relieved.

*