Page 174 of Let's Kiss and Tell

“But I can’t,” I say, shaking my head. “All I can think about is that guy who called me out in the middle of a wedding. The guy who makes me feel like no matter how messy I am,that’s okay.Because he doesn’t want someone who’s perfect, he just wants me. He makes me feel like I am perfect.”

Marsh looks down and I want so desperately to go to him, but I force myself to continue.

“So, for the next few weeks I think about this guyevery day,and when I’m sad I want to cry on his shoulder, and when I’m happy I want to celebrate with him, and late at night I want his body on top of mine. And it hurts. It hurts so fucking much because I’ve never felt this way before. And I’ve been so adamant on believing thatlove isn’t worth it.” I sigh. “I just didn’t know what love was. Love is seeing someone go out of their comfort zone, put their whole heart on the line, and write about their biggest insecurity for the world to see…” I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye. “Love is reading that story and thinking I could not be more proud…and turned on,” I say, smiling, “of anyone ever, for the rest of my life. And all I want to do is find that person and tell them that I’m sorry.”

Marsh shuts his eyes. “You read it.”

I sniff. “It was the best thing you’ve ever written.”

When Marsh’s smile dissipates, he inhales slowly, his shoulders rising. “So, what are you saying, Lucy?”

“I’m not standing outside of your door with a boom box over my head playing your favorite song…I don’t even know your favorite song. I’m just here because I miss you. I think about that night and the things we said to each other all the time, Marsh. I don’t regret what I said or how I acted, because in the moment itwas true, but I regret hurting you.” I hide my hands underneath the sleeves of my sweatshirt and take a deep breath. “I fell in love with you, Marsh. I’m still in love with you. And yes, saying it out loud again makes mereallyfucking scared. Not because I don’t mean it, but because I’ve only ever said it one other time in my life…and that was to you! Like I’m not joking, I am seriously about to throw up. But you were right…Love isn’t easy. It’s messy. It’s super messy and complicated, but I love you. I can’t promise you that we’ll love each other across a lifetime. But I can promise you that whatever love I have to give, I don’t want to give to anyone else.”

As I stand in front of Marsh, watching him with his hands in his pockets, speechless, I feel it. I feel that twist in my heart, the prickly feeling throughout my entire body, the overwhelming fear of losing someone but the joy that’s released when you say what you’ve always wanted to. This is what it feels like.

This is what being in love feels like.

Just as I think it’s better for me to turn around because the silence on Marsh’s end is deafening, he takes a deep inhale.

“Can I kiss you now?” Marsh says.

I sniff. “You better.” We both take a step toward each other, and he places both of his hands on my cheeks. Once he lowers his mouth onto mine, I melt into him. I’ve missed him so much that it hurts. “Oh my god,” I finally say once he pulls back.

“I wondered if I’d ever get to do that again,” he says.

I look up at him and intertwine my fingers into his. “Me too.”

“Thank you, Lucy,” he says intently.

“For what?”

“Thank you for trusting me with your heart.”

I rub my thumb across his knuckles. “Thank you for trusting me with yours,” I say, and he gives me another kiss. Every time he does, it feels like the best kiss in the world. He pulls me againsthim, and I bury my face against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat against my ear. “You finally took your vacation…Why?”

“Because I needed to learn who I was outside of my job.”

I look up at him. “And have you learned?”

“I’m getting there,” he responds, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “There’s no rush.”

“Maybe we can do that together?” I touch one of the buttons on his shirt.

“We sure can.” He nods.

“How have things been since the article came out?”

“Well”—he drags a heavy breath—“my mom definitely gave me an earful, and I could only screen so many calls from Julia and her family before I decided to turn my phone off.”

I squeeze his arm. “I’m so sorry.”

“How have you been?” he asks.

I let out an exaggerated sigh. “I feel like I’ve lived many lives since I last saw you.”

“In a good way?”

“Kind of?” I let out a tired laugh. “I started therapy, I finally talked to my mom, and I think I might need to quit my job.”