Page 137 of Let's Kiss and Tell

“No,” she says confused. “Why would I?”

“It’s not his fault what happened, Lucy,” I say as gently as I can.

She looks back out the window and doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Look, I know I sound stubborn, and yeah, I know thatkid has nothing to do with anything. But it was hard enough for me to accept everything that happened, I wasn’t going to start being a big sister to anyone. And maybe that makes me selfish or—”

“No,” I say. “It doesn’t.”

“My whole world broke,” she says. “He begged me to not tell my mom that I went to Natalie’s house. If she knew I met her that would absolutely break her heart. He kept saying he loves my mom and he loves me…What even islove? How can you lie and keep secrets from someone you love?”

I think of Julia and how she continued to tell me she still loved me.

“I don’t think love is supposed to be easy,” I say. “It’s not as simple as saying you love someone and that’s it. I think if you really love someone it becomes messy and complicated.”

“But it shouldn’t be,” Lucy says almost desperately. “And every time I see my dad I have to actively push aside the fact that he might rather be with his other family than me and my mom—”

“Lucy, you don’t know that,” I insist.

“When I look at him he just has thisguiltin his eyes,” she explains. “Like he’s only with us because he feels bad for what he did.”

“I think your dad made a mistake,” I say, gathering what I know. “And the choices he made after that are because he loves you and your mom.”

She lets out a doubtful puff of air through her nose. “I think things would have made more sense if they just got a divorce.”

“Is that what you’d rather have?” I ask. “To have your dad go be with Natalie and that kid and leave you and your mom?”

Lucy starts to play with the rings on her fingers. I don’t think she even knows the answer to that. “I just look at my mom and my heart breaks for her,” she says.

“Your mom doesn’t deserve any of that.”

“You didn’t deserve what happened to you either and here you are,” Lucy says. “Shit happens to good people, doesn’t it? Hearts get broken and that’s inevitable.”

“So, have things just not been the same between you and your dad since that day?”

“We eventually got to a place that was normal again. But when I started writing about sex, he was upset. He didn’t think it was appropriate. My mom learned to accept it, but my dad always saw it as a reflection on him, or maybe me getting back at what he did…and I don’t care.”

“Well, he can be uncomfortable with it and that’s his problem,” I say.

“My mom used to ask me why I’m not in a relationship, or why I don’t get married,” she huffs. “Her and my dad want grandchildren so badly, and every time she asks, I feel like I die a little. They’re never going to get those things, and I don’t know how many more ways to tell them. You’d thinkthey’dunderstand why I don’t want to get married.”

“You are not your parents, Lucy,” I say confidently. It’s the first time I’m really interjecting in this conversation because it’s not my place to tell her how to feel, but she needs to know. “What happened to your parents will not happen to you.”

“Why are you so sure of that?”

“Because things like that don’t happen toeveryone,Lucy. That’s like a million in one chance and you can’t go through life anticipating it’s going to happen to you.”

“It doesn’t need to happen to me, Marsh,” Lucy says, and there’s a heavy silence between us. “And don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m this fragile thing that’s gone through so much,” she says. “My heart’s not made of glass.”

“That doesn’t mean I won’t treat it like it is,” I say.

She inhales slowly and gives me a flimsy grin. The tiniest look of gratitude brings me more purpose than I’m willing to admit. We’re both heading toward something neither of us expected to go, and I’m already in too deep.

“Have you ever been heartbroken?” I ask.

“No,” she says, and I don’t know if she’s proud or embarrassed. “It sounds cliché, I really know it does. But honestly, it’s so much easier to not get your heart broken if you don’t let anyone touch it.”