Page 121 of Let's Kiss and Tell

“Really?” My eyes light up. “It’s not too…much?”

“Too much of what?” Jonah asks. “It’s honest, it’s insightful, it’s what your readers would want.”

“But what about Marsh?” I ask, wondering if writing about him after last night feels like I’m crossing some sort of line.

“I mean, you’re not using his name.”

“Yeah but…it would be weird if he read it.”

Jonah narrows his gaze at me. “Luce, how honest is this piece?”

“It’s fictionalized a little.” I shrug.

“By how much?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Okay, fine, it’s all true,” I say.

“Luce,” Jonah says, “look, I’ve had my trepidations about this whole arrangement but…if what you wrote is true thenwhatare you doing?”

“That’s beside the point.” I draw back knowing that Jonah just doesn’t understand.

“Forget about your views on relationships, okay?” Jonah says. “If you feel this way about him, he deserves to be told. You clearly care about him and you’re just going to let him live the rest of his life thinking youdon’tcare? And for what?”

Jonah’s words sit with me. I’m not sure why I find the whole concept of being honest difficult. It’s almost like I don’t want Marsh to see me as someone who has feelings, someone who has a heart. Because then that means I have something that could break.

That’s the scary part about all of this. Iamhuman. I’mnotunbreakable. I’m just not sure if I want to admit it to Marsh…or myself.

It takes me circling Marsh’s block approximately six times and sitting in my car for another forty minutes until I have the nerve to get out.

Mustering up the courage, I walk to his front porch, clocking his black Bronco in the driveway. It takes about twenty or so seconds after I ring the bell for him to open the door. Seeing himfeels like I got the wind knocked out of me. It’s only been twenty-four hours, and Imisshim. How do I miss him?

“Hey,” I say.

Hey?God, I sound pathetic.

He looks past me to our surroundings, concerned. “Is everything okay?”

“Can I come inside?” I ask and he doesn’t say anything. Just opens the door wider to let me in. “I think we need to talk about last night.”

“Okay.” Marsh closes the door behind him. His demeanor feels a little different, like he’s putting his guard up in a way that he hasn’t done with me before. From the moment I met him it felt like he trusted me. Now he’s looking at me like I’m someone who could hurt him…someone whohashurt him.

I play with the sleeves of my sweater. “I can’t stop thinking about last night.”

There’s a sigh that releases from him. “Me too.”

“I don’t like how we ended that conversation and I want to apologize.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Lucy.”

“No, I do,” I insist, making sure I say all the things that I rehearsed in the car. “Because you asked me a question and the least I could have done was answer it honestly. The other night meant something to me, Marsh. I felt closer to you in a way that I haven’t felt to anyone before…and that terrified the fuck out of me. So, I lied. I’m the one that asked you to do this with me, and we’ve been so honest with each other, and you deserve to know that yes, I felt something,” I say, my voice shaking. “But no, I don’t want to do anything about it. It was cruel of me to assume that you can close off your feelings the way I can, and if what happened made you upset, I’m sorry.”

Marsh looks at me, the muscles in his jaw leaping as he takes in what I’m saying. “I owe you an apology too.”

“For what?”

“We made itveryclear what we were doing from the beginning. You have been nothing but honest about how you feel about relationships. I just don’t know how to do this…but I want to try.”

“Try how?” I say slowly.