Page 92 of This Could be Love

“This here”—he gestured from himself to me—“this thing between us. This isn’t a summer fling for me anymore.”

I swallowed. Tried to win some time. But I didn’t have to because he wasn’t finished.

“Maybe it never was.” He paused, as if wanting to test the effect of his words. “Maybe Laurie was right.”

A light breeze brushed my naked shoulder and made me shiver. He noticed but misread the cause.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“No,” I protested. “I… It…”

“I just want to be honest with you. Even if…”

“That I have feelings for you,” I blurted out.

He bristled. Narrowed his eyes.

“That’s what I would have told you. Today on the beach. Before you went into the water to help Laurie.” My pulse began to race. “That I have feelings for you.”

His eyelids fluttered. “Why didn’t you?”

“I think I only realized it when I realized I was scared. Beyond that…we’d agreed to something else, right?”

“Yeah,” he said thoughtfully, and his eyes drifted past my shoulder. “We agreed to something else.”

For a few seconds everything was silent.

“Would you prefer to go home?” he asked softly.

I sat up a bit more. “Why would I want to go home?”

“I don’t know.” A sad smile flit across his face. “Maybe tearing the Band-Aid off all at once hurts less than tearing it off a little bit day by day.”

I stared at him. “You want to end things?”

“No, I don’t.” A tormented expression crossed his face. “This here… I want to do it again. I want to kiss you. And touch you. And feel you. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up next to you. Sunset and sunrise. With you.” He softly caressed my cheek. “But that’s not going to happen. Because you have to leave. And I’m staying here. We don’t have any future.”

“Maybe we do.”

I was as surprised by what I said as he was.

“A long-distance relationship?” A doubtful smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. “Between Germany and Hawaii?”

“Well, I mean, I’m really only in Munich between competitions.”

“Which doesn’t make things easier.”

He wasn’t wrong, but I wanted to think things through to the end.

“A large part of the competitions take place in the USA. San Diego, Austin, Indian Wells, Miami, Washington, Cleveland…Cincinnati.”

“Yeah, but those are all long-distance flights for me.” His jaw tightened. “Where am I going to get the money?”

“I’m sure there’s a solution.” I refrained from suggesting thatIpay for them.

“And how would I arrange that with the hostel?” He frowned. “I can’t just close whenever I want, especially not in the first year.”

Even if he was right, his defensiveness hurt my feelings.