Page 103 of This Could be Love

With my back to the door, I sank to the floor and let the tears flow. Tears of sorrow, of longing, of exhaustion. I cried for Vince and for us, for everything we’d had and could have had. I cried for the part of me that would have been satisfied with being aworld-class tennis player. That part that had allowed my heart to jeopardize everything I had worked so hard for.

As the tears silently trickled down my cheeks, I started to tell my mother everything. I told her how Vince and I had met, how we’d grown closer. How a harmless summer fling had turned into my first great love. And how I’d been prepared to turn my life upside down for it. But that he hadn’t. Despite how late it was, she listened attentively, only uttering the occasionalhmmand shooing my dad out of the room when he wanted to know what was going on. When I finished, for a few seconds she didn’t say a thing. I began to wonder if she was simply too shocked. Too disappointed that I hadn’t consulted her.

“I don’t agree with Kay.”

What?

“Youcanhave both, Lou. Love and success. A partner and a career. It’s twice as hard and twice as much work. But it’s possible.”

Something told me that another “but” was in the air.

“But I think that Vince is right when he says that you need someone at your side who’s up for the whole circus. And I think the fact that he is open aboutnotbeing that someone speaks a lot for him.”

“I know,” I mumbled. It was the first time I didn’t simply think so but said it out loud too. “But it still hurts.”

“Of course it does, sweetheart. Of course it does.”

Chapter 44

My last training day fell through. While out on my early morning jog, I felt the first drops of rain, and the rest of the morning it poured buckets. The courts were flooded, so I had no choice but to use the fitness room. While I sat on the ergometer and pedaled, I wrote a message to Gabe to cancel our PT session. I highly doubted I’d set foot on the court today. Even if it stopped raining soon, we wouldn’t get it dry. I would do a bit of strength training, shower, and then go home and finish packing in peace. He replied with a thumbs-up and said that he would come by later to say goodbye. Only then did I really realize that our appointment today was also our farewell. A numb feeling spread through my stomach as I imagined not having him around tomorrow. Over the last few weeks he’d become a good friend, and I wanted him and Kay to realize what they could be for each other.

In a pause in the rain, I walked home. Steam was rising off the street. The potholes were filled with a kind of brown soup. I’d hardly gone a hundred feet when a clap of thunder caused me to start. My eyes darted upward and the next moment the rain came down so intensely that in a matter of seconds I was completely soaked. I began to run but came to an abrupt stop when a flash of lightning lit up the sky. Beyond a few palms and banana trees there was nowhere I could take shelter. Cursing, I decided to keep on going. The rain slapped my face while the weight of my tennis bag slowed me down. I could already see Kay’s house when another boom of thunder caused me to jerk. The next moment I stepped into a pothole and began to stumble. I landed on my stomach, half buried under my tennis bag and with two scraped knees. Though I couldn’t see them, I could feel the burning pain all too well. A few seconds later, the pain was replaced by panic. My ankle!No.Nononononono. I quickly tried to stand up and groaned when my bloody and dirty knees touched the ground. I was overcome by a wave of nausea and had to close my eyes. But when I opened them again, I wasn’t alone.

“Lou! Are you okay?”

Vince had appeared from out of nowhere. He was kneeling in front of me and looking at me with concern as the rain continued to stream down my face. For a few seconds I simply stared at him, overwhelmed by memories.

“Lou!” He shook my arm. “Are you okay?”

“My ankle,” I croaked, but the loud bangs of thunder swallowed my words.

“What?!” he cried.

My index finger trembled as I pointed to my ankle. Vince’s eyes followed the movement. And widened in fright.

That was the moment that all the previous days’ misery just burst over me. I began to sob, which was followed by an uncontrollable trembling.

“Hey! Heyheyheyheyhey,” I heard him say. “It’s all good.” I felt his hands upon my cheeks and saw his eyes looking to meet my own. “Can you hear me? It’s all good.”

I pressed my lips together and shook my head, but his eyes said,Believe me.

“Can you…can you move it?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

He blinked against the rain. “You haven’t tried yet?”

“I don’t dare,” I said fearfully. “What if it’s broken? If I tore my ligaments again? If I can’t…”

“Shh.” With his finger he closed my mouth, and, for some reason, I found it calming. Even if a part of me expressed the completely misplaced wish that he had done it with his lips. “First of all, we’ve got to get you out of the rain.” He pushed his wet hair out of his face and thought for a moment. With a determined look, he threw my tennis bag over his shoulder, crouched down, and slid one hand under my knees, the other beneath my back. I stiffened immediately.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m carrying you home.”

My lips parted to object, but he’d already lifted me up. Groaning slightly, he said, “All I’ve got is the scooter.” He nodded toward the side of the road. “And you’re just right here.”

He was right. Kay’s house wasn’t even a hundred feet away. Nevertheless, everything within me bristled at the idea of him carrying me.