Page 58 of The One Where They Fall in Love

Twenty-Five

Elle

I have no idea what the hell I am doing.

I am quite literally making it up with every minute of every day. All I know is that a moment spent with Oliver is better than any spent without him. And in that moment at the bar, I knew IneededOliver more than I’vewantedanyone in my life. Screw the consequences.

I’m not sure what this means, or if Oliver’s feelings have changed about wanting a relationship. I’m too afraid to ask. Because whatever happened that night, it wasamazing. And I don’t want to ruin it. So for the first time in my life, I try not to get caught up in thehappily ever afterof it all. Even though my mind is filled with all the moments Oliver has shown me he does care about me: pulling me away from that sleazy guy, smiling when I got home from work, fixing up the couch so I always had exactly what I needed before he left for work for the night.

And then I think about how refreshing it was to be intimate with him and…laugh. To be comfortable. To notbe worried about what he was thinking or feeling or trying to be sexy in the moment. I was able to justbe. Never in my life have I ever felt so sure of myself, sodesired, than I did that night with Oliver. And I’m afraid that after experiencing that, I’ll never be able to settle for anything less.

And I really don’t want to.

But the truth is, I have to be able to roll with whatever Oliver is willing to give me right now. Because Lucy was right. I shouldn’t settle. And I deserve to give this thing with Oliver a chance, despite what he has said. I think Oliver is just so caught up in the past and all the pressure that’s been put on him, that he’s not used to being told how amazing he truly is. It’s like he’s needed Hype Girl Elle his whole life. And now I’m here, I want him to know how much I want him.

I can be with Oliver without a plan. Why not? I can roll with it. Go with the flow. Sure I can!

Screw. The. Consequences!

“You know you don’t sound convincing at all, right?” Lucy asks after I’ve recited this speech to her one night after work. We’re sitting on our respective couches on FaceTime. Both of our TVs are playing the sameFriendsepisode and we’re in our pajamas. Thor is curled up on the other end of my couch, and Blue is sprawled out next to Lucy. I haven’t seen Oliver since Sunday, aside from picking up and dropping off Thor for the last two nights. Pick-ups and drop-offs which have included several make out sessions, but little else.

I ignore the thoughts in the back of my head that insist Oliver is avoiding having “the conversation” with me.

He’s been quiet, more than usual, in the few moments that we’ve spent together. I can tell he wants to say something, but anytime I try to start talking to him, he kisses me, orrushes out the door for work. I’m trying not to overthink it. It’s Oliver, he struggles to share things. We’ll talk eventually. I’m know we will.

“Screw the consequences!” I add a fist into the air motion like I’m starting a revolution and not trying to convince my friend of something.

“Nope, not better.”

“Eh, it’s a work in progress, but I’m in it for the long haul,” I say flippantly. I can be flippant. Sure I can.Who can be flippant? Elle Thompson can!

“Anyway, I can’t wait to see this arrangement in action. Is Oliver coming on Saturday? Have you seen him since you hooked up?” Lucy asks, throwing a handful of popcorn in her mouth.

My cheeks heat when I think of how Oliver barely waited for me to open the door tonight when he dropped Thor off. I still had a grip on the door handle when he pushed his way in and wrapped me in his arms. He picked me up and devoured me into a kiss at the same time, his big hands squeezing my backside as he turned me around against the door. I couldn’t catch my breath for several minutes after he left.

“I take your blushing as a yes,” Lucy says, grinning. I stick my tongue out at her. “Elle, do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

“Absolutely zero,” I reply, making an “O” gesture with my hand.

“Great, let me know when you want to tackle that,” she says knowingly.

“I did ask him to come on Saturday,” I say, remembering the conversation from this morning. “He was a little weird about it though.”

“Weird how?”

“Um…” My voice trails off as I remember Oliver swaying at my door this morning as I asked him to go to Lucy’s book launch party with me.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he’d said initially.

“You don’t know? You like Lucy, don’t you?”

He’d curled his hand behind his neck, rubbing his shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, of course—”

“Well, then it’s settled.” I reached up to kiss him on the cheek, and I felt his entire body tense.

I’ve tried to ignore the nagging feeling in my stomach since then.

“Anyway, I told my mom not to come. I think it will be too overstimulating for Nick,” I add, trying to divert the conversation away from Oliver.