Page 75 of I Hope This Finds You Well

I trust this will be okay?

Best,

Cliff

As I’m reading the email, about a thousand pounds of shame hits. This is how it’s going to be going forward. I’ve messed everything up. I want to demand he see me. I want to hide in a box.

I reply:

Sounds great! Also, it just occurred to me I’m going to the gym, so I won’t need a ride home. In fact, I’ve started a new routine where I will be going to the gym every morning and evening. It’s great!

Jolene

It’s for the best. And when Cliff doesn’t reply, it’s like a resolution. We can’t just be friends.

A message pops up from Caitlin to Armin and Rhonda:

Caitlin:Have you guys noticed Jolene is a little different these days? Like she has an edge?

Rhonda:What are you suggesting, dear?

Caitlin:She’s been meeting a lot with the HR guy. Maybe he’s giving her tips on how to stay here. Doesn’t it seem like she’s getting insider info or something? How the hell did she make a flow chart THAT DETAILED by just doing our job?

My head starts to buzz as Armin tilts his gaze toward me. I pull my eyes toward my keyboard and focus on my hands.

Rhonda:I think she’s just trying harder after she got in a bit of trouble. She’s been so helpful lately.

Armin:Yeah, she’s making more of an effort. Who can blame that?

Caitlin:But it feels like she knows things. Like she has access to some drive or something.

Armin’s shoulders tense and I feel his eyes pull toward me. Again. I don’t dare change my expression from the solid stone coating that I’ve yielded. I pretend to continue working as I slowly combust from the inside.

Armin:Nah, I get the vibe you’re overestimating her. This is Jolene Smith, longtime secretary at Supershops—the girl who got in trouble for not changing the font color on an email. She’s not some spy... she’s just a bit weird.

Caitlin:I mean that’s true, but I think the word you’re looking for is “loser.”

My heart, insides, and entire being tightens.Thatword. I blink and I blink to fight away whatever is prickling the corners of my eyes.

A new email pops up, a shipping notice from Aritzia. It’s the stupid blazer I thought I’d buy myself as an early promotion gift.

I’ll have to request a refund.

What a silly concept—me, speaking at the front of a meeting room, wearing a blazer. I’m so embarrassed my vagina hurts. I want to shake out of my skin and die. I stare at my keyboard as my insides twist together.

The heat of Armin’s gaze burns against my cheekagain.

To hide my reaction, I grab the Supershops mug filled with lukewarm coffee and press it to my lips.

A new message from Armin appears:

Armin:I have something to confess. I’ve been coming in early and taking the mugs from the lunchroom and dipping them in the toilets. I know it’s bad, but nobody can stop me and it’s fun to watch people drink from them.

I lean closer to the screen, mug resting against my lips—

Instantly, I recoil and drop it.

Shit. My head pounds. He sent the message to Maternity Leave Celeste, who won’t see it.