Page 37 of Fake It Till You Make It
“Ugh, why do you care?” She exhaled. “Fine. The job… your job was the only one listed in the bulletin. At first, I thought for sure I had it, then our masculine energies collided.”
“Say what kind of energy? How is this remotely related to your car?”
“Masculine. You know,” she explained, quite animated with her hands, “your grinch. My gremlin. I was nervous, and hungry. I just didn’t want to upset the power balance.”
“Energies and power shifts, you speak like a business executive.”
“Haha,” she scoffed. “You made a joke. Nothing executive about me. I’m just a graduate nurse with an exam to pass. I submitted a dozen job applications for entry-level nursing positions.”
He frowned at her. “I wasn’t joking, but… why not come clean at the end of the first day? And, this time, leave out the grinch and gremlin. What really stopped you from asking for help?”
“Embarrassment. Failure fatigue. I’m two years shy ofthirty and my eighteen-year-old car died four hours into my fresh start. Everything I try fails. Is that what you wanted me to tell you? Is that what you needed to hear when I walked through your door at seven o’clock in the morning?”
“Cars break down, Amarie.”
She hung her head. “You don’t get it. I know that cars break down, but… timing matters. I needed to win on Monday. And meeting you, Leah, your brothers; corralling Adele; using my nursing skills in the clinic. It felt like I did something right, you know?” Amarie gave a humorless laugh. “It’s probably hard to comprehend, but getting hired, it felt monumental.”
“Not one bit.”
She’d been so proud to get a job without her parents vouching for her or her boyfriend bringing her on staff. Still, she felt the surge of dopamine at the operational improvements she’d introduced in the office. Personal accomplishment. How could she lose it after one taste? She hadn’t felt good about herself in years. Fighting to hold onto it came naturally. Admitting her desperate state would’ve crushed her.
“I’m in an on-again, off-again dance with heartache of my own making. Monday couldn’t be one of those days.” She didn’t want to be plagued by ANTS—automatic negative thoughts—every time she tried something new, but that was the pattern she’d devolved into. “I’m tired of losing.”
“Tell me about it, partner.”
“I just did. Are you listening?” Amarie sobered, not wanting to release the emotion she’d packaged away for years on Eli.
“Do you ever run out of one-liners?” He chuckled.
“No. Never. Suppose that’s something we have in common, boss.”
“Oh, that must be painful for—what did Mrs. Kline call you?—Saint Amarie.” His chest actually shook with laughter.
“Picking on your employees now?”
“Nope,” he said, rubbing at his eyes. “Commiserating with someone who understands. Your car going kaput sounds much worse than my default notice.”
“It is for me. I don’t have your responsibilities, but I don’t have your support system either. It’s just me.”
The muscles in his face slackened. “You’re serious?”
“As a paycheck.” She nodded. Without a family to rely on, she only had herself. Actually, she may be in worse shape than the Calvarys. While they had a countdown, she’d run out of time. “My parents, especially my father, would never approve.”
“That’s… it’s… I don’t have any experience with my family not being on my side.”
“I know. You’re lucky.”
“I suppose I am.”
“Happy now? I’m carless, penniless, and manless.” She stopped short of blurting outhomeless. “I spilled the tea. My pitiful story of how I ended up on your step.”
“To answer the one question jumbled up in all those words: yes, I’m happy you told me. I’ll take truth over peace, every day of the year.”
“I’m not used to people reacting with kindness when I’ve needed assistance in the past. I expect less. Not more.”
“Don’t lump me in.” He chuckled at her growl. “I’ll be here if you need me. It’s gonna take some convincing for folks around here to believe we’re partners. You didn’t speak or look my way at the Black Bear the other night.”
So, he’d noticed. And why did that revelation cause a twinkle in her toes?
