Page 95 of Devil Inside

Something within his blank expression shifts. A flicker in his eyes. Did he just wake up? One eye turns toward me while the rest of himself remains unnervingly still. His right eye seems to have a mind of its own, detached from whatever optic nerve tethers the left to his brain, wandering along and following me as I go. There’s no fucking way that can be real.

“Have a good night,” he says. Then grins.

Fuck me. Not him, too.

I focus on the door. Walking through it. The electronic chime—DING! Managing my breath. Keeping my eyes on the sidewalk ahead and not looking over my shoulder.

I’m seeing things again. Hallucinating melting faces wherever I go. Maybe it’s just my guilty consciousness. That quarter pint sure feels heavy now, doesn’t it? Not heavy enough.

Thou shalt not steal...

Okay, been there, broke that commandment. Do I even knowthe other nine? Can I list them off? Let’s put myself to the test. Pop quiz time, Ten Commandment edition:

Thou shalt not kill.

Survey says... DING-DING! Top of the list, every time. Everyone’s favorite.

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Lost cause on that one, sorry...

Thou shalt not take the lord’s name in vain.

Goddamn it.

Okay, now—this is where it starts to get tough. I’m pretty hazy on the rest. I really need to dig deep to list the others. I’m probably getting them all out of order, too.

Thou shalt not have other gods before me.

What an odd thought. Prioritizing supreme beings, like dating deities. I’ve never been willing to commit to just one. Not to any, if I’m being honest.

What’s left? What are the other commandments?

Thou shalt not... Thou shalt... Thou...

Fuck it. Let’s make up our own commandments, why don’t we? Lilith would get a kick out of that. Make them just to break them. Rules are meant to be broken, am I right?

Thou shalt not...throw a brick through a window. What’s stopping me from picking up a rock and tossing it right into that house?

Thou shalt not...covet thy neighbor’s demons. I’ve got my own personal demons to contend with, why am I seeing another? Aren’t I seeing enough already, wherever I go? They’re following me all the time now. Faces melting all around. I don’t need any more demons in my life, thank you very much. One is enough.

So many sins, so little time. Where’s the line inside me? Can I cross it? Maybe I just need to let go of this tension for once, relent. I’m such a tightly wound spring, keeping my shit locked down, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to simply let go. Cut loose. Be as bad as I want to be. Would that be so awful? To indulge my darkness, once and for all?

Isn’t that what Lilith wants? What would it hurt?

everyone

anyone

no one

I will say this—something about this bourbon tastes better, knowing that I didn’t pay for it. The burn works its way down my throat and settles into my belly, a little hellfire right there in my stomach. It was easy. So easy. I took what I wanted and nobody stopped me.

That line of my morality sure is blurring.

Who knows? Maybe that line was never there. Maybe I’ve just been kidding myself. It’s hard to know what’s right and what’s wrong when you’re sleeping with your demons.

“Did you hear?” Deak says, teeing up. I’m not sure where he got the clubs from. He’s never been one for putt-putting, but he grips his nine iron like Arnold Palmer set to swing.