Page 94 of Devil Inside

Still, I’m telling you it’s silly, this notion of sinking in deep. I’m talking about full-on possession. The worming-my-way-in-filling-every-crevice-exploring-every-nook-and-cranny kind. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is worth the risk of getting stranded. Trapped in a dead-end relationship. I couldn’t break out. Break free. Stuck in someone going nowhere.

I lost sight of myself—who I was—in that relationship. For what? Some piece of flesh? All because of somebody? Never again. I’m not falling for that trap ever again.

Laura, darling? Are you even listening to me anymore? This is important. I’m trying to help you. This may end up saving your life one day, instead of wasting it with this... this Michael. He doesn’t care about you, I’m sorry. It’s simpler to drift, you know? Just be your own woman. Don’t get tied down. Don’t give yourself over to someone who doesn’t care.

No relationship is worth losing your sense of self over, Laura. Trust me.

No body is worth the risk. Not even Jordan.

I’m sorry, you have no idea what I’m talking about—do you? You must be wondering where these voices are coming from. Who they belong to. Apologies—that’s me. I just needed to get this off my chest, I guess. You were kind enough to lend an ear. Hell, your whole body. I hope you don’t mind me inside your mind for a spell. Just to chat.

It’s hard, isn’t it? Opening up? Sharing?

You know what’s really scary about relationships? Losing yourself. You become someone else. You let go of your sense of identity. Your autonomy. You’re no longer you. You’re two now. Plural. Intertwined. You’re no longer making decisions solely for yourself. You can’t function alone. Doesn’t that sound a lot like possession to you? Ownership?

Who possesses you, Laura?

Who possesses me?

I’m sorry. I... I don’t think I can do this anymore. This isn’t working. Forgive me. This is on me. I thought I could, but... I’m just not feeling it. Not today. Not with you, Laura.

My heart just isn’t into it.

soul searching

Jordan

Take it.

I don’t know how long I’ve been staring at the bottle of bourbon before I hear the voice at the back of my head.Go ahead. Nobody’s watching. Just... take it.

I have the money. It’s right there, in my wallet, burning a hole in my back pocket.

But I don’t want to buy it, do I? Where’s the fun in that?

Short of this shoplifting stint back in the fifth grade, where I got caught pocketing a nasty pack of Swisher Sweets cherry cigars from the Cardinal Pharmacy, I’ve never been one for petty theft. And yet, something in me wants to grab the bottle and walk out of here.

What’s stopping me?Nothing,the voice in my head whispers. Such a fucking backseat driver. Absolutely nothing at all.Funny. That voice sounds an awful lot like Lilith...

Is it?

It’s not. Can’t be. I would know if it was actually her. I sense it whenever she’s near. A song caught in my head, a tune I can barely carry. The friction in the air. The conjuring of particles. The atmosphere darkens, somehow, wet electricity, a passing thundercloud blotting out the sun. Everything feels darker when she’s near, as if there’s a storm coming.

She brings chaos into my life. I miss it when she’s not around. The upheaval inside.

Miss her.

I wonder where she is right now. If I could just call out to her, maybe she could find me. Didn’t she say I could? Reach out and summon someone? It’s only been a day since our trip to the museum. Now I want to see her again. Feel her. The anarchy she brings.

This right now, in the ABC store, whatever the hell this is... this is just me. My inner demons, whispering totake it. Just take it. What’s stopping you? Nothing, nothing at all...

Put it on my tab. I’m racking up sins left and right now. I’m already going to hell, aren’t I? What’s one more infraction of morality going to hurt? What’s holding me back?

Where’s the angel on my shoulder when I need them the most?

Is anyone going to stop me?

The clerk behind the counter is too tired to care. We barely make eye contact. “Changed my mind,” I mumble as I walk by.