Page 60 of Devil Inside

I held onto my hurt. The chip on my shoulder only widened, becoming a chasm between me and the rest of the world, between me and my dad. Between me and me.

Between... everything.Anything.I’ve been carrying the Grand Canyon on my back.

Then I got my first bike.

A freestyle BMX cycle, 20-inch hi-ten steel frame. It came complete with a 360-degree rotor, permitting a full spin for the handlebars. Single speed drivetrain, no need for gears. Direct power transmission. Me. My body. My momentum.

I found a place to release all that rage. That pent-up aggression. The tension. I could ride it out. I outraced the rage, and it never caught up. I was free as long as I kept riding.

Now that’s gone and the rage is gaining on me. I feel it, seeping back in. It’ll swallow me up if I don’t do something about it. Ride it out of my system. Escape from its shadow.

The bike frame is just next to my head now, so close. I take it in, all its contortions, its warped frame. Nothing but mangled metal. I can smell the ozone of burnt rubber.

A spider, my ass...I really must be losing it. Bringing my hand with the cigarette up, I take a drag before weaving my fingers through the dented spokes and spinning the wheel.

The tire won’t rotate far, the angle on the frame so severe it snags on the rubber.

A song drifts through my head. I can’t pick out the melody, but it’s suddenly there, a listless tune that won’t let go. What is it? I’ve heard it before, I can’t figure out where...

I hum a couple bars, hoping to make out the melody.

Where did this song come from?

Who knows. I’m exhausted. I take a last drag, let the smoke settle in my lungs and resonate through my bloodstream, then exhale. I’ve got to stub out the cigarette before I—

tap tap...

What is that? I stop cold and try to lock on to the sound,wherever it’s coming from. Smoke escapes my lungs, even though I’m not exhaling, overwhelming the air around me.

tap tap...

There it is again. I hear it, loud and clear. Fingernails on glass.

The window.

Here we go again. My mind playing tricks on me.Fool me once...

I’m not falling for it this time.

tap tap tap...

I should know better by now. I’m not going to let my insomnia get the best of me.

tap tap...

Probably a loose bolt from the fire escape. A stray telephone wire. There’s no telling what it might be. What I know for sure is that it’s not some fucking spider trying to—

tap

Now I’m not so sure.

tap

Look. Just go ahead and look. Let my eyesight settle.

tap

What do I see?