Page 58 of Devil Inside

Of Jordan.

u up?

Jordan

Someone is crawling across my wall. Look at them go. I wouldn’t have seen them if the ambulance outside my apartment hadn’t passed by right when it did, the spiral of its red-and-white flashing lights reaching into my window and sprawling across the Sheetrock.

That can’t be human,I think. Their limbs stretch at such a severe angle. Arms and legs aren’t meant to bend like this. They haven’t moved, frozen on all fours, about to pounce. A man-sized spider. I can’t make out their face, their features lost in the dark. Wherever their eyes are, I can’t see them. Maybe they don’t have any. Maybe there’s more. I’m left imagining it has a million eyes, obsidian black and unblinking, staring back at me from the shadows.

What even is that thing?It can’t be real...

Can it?

It’s well after midnight. The lights are off in the apartment. The streetlamp directly outside my window casts this strange shadow across the ceiling. That halogen bulb leaves everything in my bedroom in a greasy orange sheen. Nothing moves, so still inside.

Until now, I thought I was alone. Now I’m not so sure. Just me and my spider, I guess.

I haven’t slept. Not since I started seeing demons wherever I go. The cinder blocks behind my lids weigh my head down, but for the life of me, I can’t close them. How long am I going to stare down this fucking enormous daddy longlegs crawling across the wall? It’s prone, waiting for me to make my first move. Try and run. The second I break for the door, taking that first breath as I attempt to outpace it, it will leap off and...

And... wait a minute. Hold up.

My bike.

That’s my fucking bike frame, all dented and bent out of shape, still hanging from the wall. Christ—I’ve been staring at my goddamn broken bike for the last thirty seconds and I didn’t even see it. My mind is playing tricks on me. I’m hallucinating. Ever since I spotted—

Lilith

—that woman at the farmers market, I haven’t left my apartment. I’ve practically barricaded myself inside my bachelor pad. I don’t want to go outside. Not again. Not after...

It’s not possible. What I saw happen at the farmers market just isn’t...isn’t real.

What the hell was it?

I’m losing my mind. Obviously. The Occam’s razor of it all is that I am having some sort of relapsed brain damage from the accident. Or someone is seriously fucking with me.

Lilith must be messing with my head. But... why? Why is she toying with me like this?

Who the fuck knows.

Or...? Or there’s a third option. I can’t believe I’m actually considering this, but...

Do I actually believe in demons?

What do I know, actually know for a goddamn fact, about possession? All I’ve ever seen comes from movies. I tried to do some research, but the closest I can get is the horror section at Video Fan.

What are the basic tenets of possession? A person’s body istaken over. They have strength beyond their own. They possess knowledge they didn’t have before. They speak in tongues. Blasphemous rage. Do I believe any of this? It just seems so...

So fucking absurd.

The dizzy spells. The blackouts. The loss of time. The voices in your head. The paranoia. Losing your grip on your own sanity, thinking you’re losing your mind.

The euphoria. The bliss.

What about my inner demons? The negative thoughts that seep into my head? All the slithering whispers that gain momentum in my mind, until they become a downright din. How are they any different? Maybe I’m possessed by depression. I’ve succumbed to my own self-loathing. Used to be that I could outride it on my bike, exorcise all my inner demons on the streets. Now I’m landlocked, trapped in my head. My own personal hell.

Ademon. Lilith is ademon.

Once I start tugging on that loose thread, it all starts to unravel in my head. The whole ratty sweater comes unspooling, this knot of thought disintegrating into endless questions. If she’s a demon, then demons are real which means angels are real which means heaven is real which means hell is real and if hell is real then that means...