Page 144 of Devil Inside

When nothing comes, not even a peep, I start to grow anxious. Anxiousness ebbs into impatience. Impatience curdles into pissed-off-ness. Pissed-off-ness leads to losing it.

I’m done.

I pick myself up from the floor, knees popping. The second I step out of the circle...

There’s a chill.

The temperature drops in the room. Fucking plummets so fast, I gasp. Wait—not the whole room. Just outside the circle. On the other side of the ring of salt.

I glance at the floor. I’ve broken the circle. My foot must’ve scuffed the Morton’s on my way out. The ring of salt is broken. Fuck.Fuck.What the hell was I thinking?

Did I really expect this to work? That I could call Lilith and bring her back?Reach out, alright. The only thing I summoned was my own ass, serving it up on a fucking platter.

So much for being a shaman.Don’t quit your day job.

“Fuck!” I punt the empty bottle of scotch. It hits the walls and shatters, sending shards of glass scattering across the floor. There it is again, this brimming sense of bile, this volcano of rage that I can’t quite contain, rising up my throat. I want to break something.

Bones. Buildings. Anything.

The first thing I find is my vinyl. All that shellac. Years of digging through yard sales and record bins. All that music. Songs that summon her. What’s the point of having all that music if I can’t listen to it with her? Music without someone to share it with is just noise.

I grab a random record—Charlie Parker—and unsheathe the vinyl before flinging it against the wall. The record shatters with a satisfying crunch, the brittle break of something solid,something tangible, getting destroyed. I want to do it again. Hear that shatter again.

This time it’s Neil Diamond. Next is Black Flag.

Coltrane. Beck. AC/DC.

Etta James.

Metallica.

All my music, all my songs, mean nothing to me without her. These songs are empty. Dead. This is the only music that matters to me now. The sounds of bones breaking. Of destruction.

I can’t get this song out of my head...

if you could only see yourself the way i see you

Lilith

Eels slithering in your rib cage. A wet nest roosting in your entrails. Slippery fins coiling within your corpse, feeding in the shadows.

I hadn’t realized how much I missed this.

Home again, home again...

There’s a part of me that’s glad to be back. I’ve been spending more time up above than down below. I was beginning to forget what it’s like to be divested of flesh. To be me.

Never lose sight of yourself, Lilith. Rules to live by. Never forget who you truly are. This is me. This is who I am. If Jordan can’t accept that, well, then... he doesn’t deserve me.

I wonder what he’s up to right now. Probably moping.

This world above is yours—all yours—but soon, when your time comes and you return to this soil, down you go, sinking, stripped of everything that you call your own. All that is left is your darkness, that anguish, the very ash you corroded your own soul into.

What a perfect paste to lap up.

That’s when we’ll meet again, you and I, where I’ve beenwaiting, where we’ve all been waiting, with a devil’s patience. Come join us. Hop on in...The water’s fine.

I am not touched by light, translucent, transparent, but palpable. Present. In your own oceans, there are creatures that exist outside the sun’s reach, harboring in the dark.