Page 112 of Devil Inside

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“Aren’t you happy? Aren’t you proud? Aren’t you—”

“Josh! Please! Stop!”

He won’t. Josh just won’t stop.What is happening what’s going on he’s not supposed to do that boys’ bodies are not meant to bend like that what is happening to our son?

His father engages, snapping back to life and rushing toward their boy. He does everything in his power to make him stop, stop hurting himself, but Josh somehow defies logic, defiesgravity, defies the laws of man and swats his father away with his twirling limb.

A thread of blood works its way down Josh’s chin, escaping his lips as he grins. “Aren’t you... so proud... of your son... now?”

He will continue this grotesque display. He will fold himself in half, then into another half, and then another, compressing himself more and more until there is nothing left.

Nothing but that smile.

Whoever’s it is.

let me hear your body talk

Jordan

Bodies twisting. That’s all I see. Men and women writhe about the floor, their limbs twining into themselves in fleshy knots. Their skin glistens, basted in their own sweat, chests heaving, as each one of these people finds fresh directions for their bones to bend.

The anxiety attack comes way too quick. I need to stop and let the dizzy spell sweep over. Otherwise, I’m going to collapse.

I close my eyes. Take a deep breath. Let the air settle into my lungs and—

Open my eyes again.

Just a gym. Just people exercising, that’s all.Exorcising. Their bodies are on the mats, testing their limits, finding the precipice of their pain and pushing just a little further.

Physical therapy, nothing else.

So this isn’t hell. Could’ve fooled me. Everyone here is dealing with some sort of injury, their bodies broken, now on the mend. Men and women just like me. Normal people.

Shattered people.

Consider this a new leaf I’m hoping to turn. I woke up this morning and realized I... well, I had something to live for. First time I’ve felt motivated to make something out of myself.Keep this body intact long enough to live in it. Long enough, at least, to see Lilith again.

“Who will I see you in next?” I asked last night. Not when,who.

“Guess you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?”

Wait and see.Skin is never a given with Lilith. She can show up in just about anybody. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it adds a dash of spontaneity to our relationship.

Hold up. Pump the brakes. Did I really just throw the r-word out there?Already?Guess I did. Jesus, listen to me. Acting all giddy. A kid again. Sly little devil.

Lilith may be able to hop into whoever she wants, but unfortunately for me, I’m still stuck with just one body. Better start taking care of it, or else she’ll run me into the ground.

So I’ve been skipping physio. That’s on me. I’ve been off and on—more off than on. I have to prove to my insurer that I actually need PT for them to pay for it, which means showing up. Easier said than done. There are days when I don’t know if I’ll ever fully heal again.

What’s left of me?

Two minutes. You want to talk about seeing a light? Hearing the voice of angels and all that? Darkness. That’s all I saw. A palpable darkness, roiling over. A sea of bodies.

The long road to recovery has been endless. No turnoffs, no signposts. I don’t know when I’ll ever get off this path. If I ever will. I don’t even know where I’m going anymore.

I just want to get back into my body. Sync up with myself. Realign with my spine. I want to root myself in these bones, strap in this skin. Wrap myself up in muscle tissue that feels like my own and not someone else’s, so I can just feel... just feel... like me again.