Page 95 of She Haunts Me Still

“It was a lot easier to talk about Ezra before I knew whatit was like to”—Saskia gestures between them, searching for an expression—“be with you.” She huffs a small laugh. “Just a few days ago, I was terrified of you. Was convinced you were a ghost. Now I’m down so bad, I’m acting like a jealous girlfriend.”

“Saskia…” Mallory picks at a stray flake of black nail polish. “What Ezra and I had was momentary. Fleeting. Like a star that got too bright for its own good and had to die out. It was magic and then, very quickly, it wasn’t.” She leans forward. “All I’ve ever wanted is for someone to see me, toknowme. But I realized recently that knowing—even acceptance—isn’t enough. I also need safety and honesty. You give me that. He didn’t. He lied to me, every day, from the moment we met. Repeatedly put me in danger, possessed or otherwise, simply because it served his needs. But you…” Her voice softens. “What I thought I had with Ezra, I actually have with you. I’m not just safe with you, we’re safetogether. We’ll take care of each other.”

“How can you be sure?” Saskia studies her. “How do you know this isn’t fleeting, too?”

Mallory holds Saskia’s stare, daring to snake a hand over hers. “I guess there’s no way to know for certain.” She laces their fingers. “But I want to find out.”

“Even if it ends?” Saskia asks softly, and Mallory feels a small twinge in her chest. She doesn’t want to give weight to the possibility that Saskia could be etched in past tense one day. Doesn’t want to confront the memory of Saskia’s bloodstained shirt and faraway gaze, the way it seemed she was ready to leave the world just as it started to light up for them both.

“Even if it ends,” Mallory echoes, squeezing her hand.

Saskia leans in, kissing her softly, searching. This time, their kiss isn’t laced with urgent hunger, but something quieter. Resolute. An agreement to step into another unknown together. To hold on to the moments that feel like magic, even if they’re temporary.

Maybe this is the bargain you make when you let yourself be seen.

“Can I tell you something?” Mallory asks, tracing the intersecting arrows of Saskia’s tattoo. “Something I’ve never said out loud to anyone?”

Saskia nods, and Mallory sucks in a breath.

“Somewhere, inside myself, I’ve always known I’m—”

Mallory pauses, tasting the word.

“Bisexual,” she continues, letting it fall into the air, syllables curling around her teeth, feeling right. “There were girls in high school—I couldn’t tell if I wanted tobethem or bewiththem. But looking back, it was a crush. The same way I’d get crushes on boys. Sometimes, it felt like I had to choose. Like I was halfthisand halfthat. But that’s not right, either. It’s not a fraction or something you can divide up into pieces. It’s justme.” Mallory shakes her head. “I don’t know why I couldn’t say that until now.”

Saskia stares at her for a moment before brushing a soft kiss to her cheekbone.

“It’s hard to find the right words,” she says. “It took me a while, too. For a time, it felt freeing to have no label. And then, claiming one felt even better.” She rests her head against the mattress behind her. “But truthfully, coming out isn’t necessarily something you do once and then take a sigh of relief. I mean, I’ve had to do it over and over. It’s like you’re defaulted to being straight until you say otherwise, which issuch bullshit. Sometimes I just want to be like, ‘Hey, I’m Saskia, and I’m a lesbian,’ to everyone I meet. Just so they see me right away, you know?” She huffs a sigh. “But…not everyone is accepting. People can be shitty—and sometimes those shitty people are in your own family.”

Mallory tips her head. “What do you mean?”

Saskia shrugs again. “After my mom died, I had to live with my dad. We weren’t close, as you know—he didn’t know how to deal with a teenage girl. And then I came out, and hereallydidn’t know what to do. So, he cut me loose instead.”

“Are you serious? Sas.”

“He waited until after graduation.” Saskia rolls her eyes. “Told me he wouldn’t support me unless I promised to go to some summer program where they ‘cleanse your sins’ of wanting to fuck girls or whatever. No thanks, I’d rather be gay.” She sniffs. “It’s not funny, I know. It’s fucked-up. Thoseplacesare fucked-up. I refused to go, of course. Luckily, I got this letter from Shore, inviting me to apply early, offering a scholarship.” She glances down at her lap. “So here I am. At least I get to hang a rainbow flag in a room that’s mine, right?”

Mallory stares at her. “Saskia, I’m sorry.” But the phrase sounds pitiful, not nearly enough.

“It’s not so bad,” she insists, and Mallory almost believes her. “In a twisted sense, it made everything easier—now I have an actual excuse not to talk to my dad. It’s cleaner this way.” Saskia lets out a long exhale. “Should we get back to Lily?”

She studies her face. “Saskia.”

“Listen. I’ve had a lot of time to be angry, and I’ve also had time to consider all the ways I’m lucky, too. So, it’s okay.I’m okay.” Saskia leans over, pressing a kiss to the corner of Mallory’s mouth. “Plus, now I have you.”

“You have me,” Mallory echoes, and Saskia kisses her again. A little harder this time, brushing her tongue against Mallory’s, sliding a hand along the outside of her thigh to—

Saskia pulls away with a muttered swear. “If we don’t stop now, you’re going to end up back in my bed.”

Mallory’s cheeks flush and she reaches for the stack of obituaries, hands shaking slightly.

“So, the ceremony where they burned Lily’s heart,” Saskia says, “was just a ruse. It was actually an offering to a demon, but it didn’t end there. Somehow, every woman in her bloodline became fated to die by offering their own hearts to this entity.” She squints at the obituaries. “But they all died at different ages. I wonder what triggers the curse. Which I guess has been rerouted to me. For some reason.”

“Can a curse be transferred?” Mallory asks. “ ’Cause that feels like magic or—”

The words skid to a halt on Mallory’s tongue, thoughts careening and flying until they land on Rebecca’s letter.

I can assure you, if you help, no one will know of your involvement. The word “witchcraft” will never be used.