Page 68 of She Haunts Me Still

“You want to know something? That day we traded secrets, that was the first time in my life I felt like somebody saw me.Me,the real me.”

Pain splits his face. “Idosee you—”

Mallory shakes her head. “Everything about us has been a mess from the start. You lied to me, and I foolishly looked the other way because Ilikedyou. Because I had a pathetic crush. Because you made me feel things I’ve never…” Her exhale is only laced with anger. “But there’s something else, isn’t there? I’m not just a relic for some old historical society. There’s something you’re hiding, something even more fucked-up.” She glares. “What is it?”

“There’s nothing else,” he says.

She throws up her hands. “So, what then? What have you been doing with me this whole time? Was it just some game to convince me to fuck you?”

Ezra drags a palm down his jaw. “Youknowthat’s not true.”

“Cute little freshman girl,” she barrels on, voice biting and cold. “Could have made a killer story to tell your fancy fraternity friends back home. Oh wait.” She knows she’s about to go too far, swallowing the razor-sharp sting of the words as they slash out. “They all think you’re a monster, don’t they? Maybe they’re right. Maybe that’s exactly what you are.”

For a moment, neither of them says anything. But she’s not oblivious to the hurt that swims in his eyes, the muscle working in the side of his jaw. The way the sadness in his face flattens, too quickly, into fierce indignation.

Because Mallory just used a secret as a weapon, and now the battle is a war.

“That,” Ezra growls, “is rich coming from a girl who lies toeveryone. How many friends doyouhave? Can you count them on two hands? One? Can you even count them at all?”

She scoffs. “How can you say that? Youmademe lie to them!”

“I never made you do anything you didn’t already want to do!” Ezra shouts right in her face, so close his breath stirs her hair. “Don’t you dare act like you’re some innocent schoolgirl I manipulated into bed. Everything you’ve done—staying up all night with me, telling fuck all to your roommate—you made those choices on your own.” He narrows his eyes. “And the sex? Don’t pretend you didn’t want that, too. The sound of you begging for it issearedinto my brain.” His nostrils flare, pupils blown black. “You can blame me all you like, but when you’re completely alone—and you will be—because you’ve pushed everyone away? You’ll only have yourself to blame for that.” Something vicious stirs in his stare, like he’s reaching for the final blow. “Isn’t that what you’rereallyafraid of, Jules? Not just that you’ll die like her, but that you’ll belonely like her? Unknowable? A mystery in life and in death? Allow me to be the one to break it to you—you already are.”

She stares at him. Distantly, she realizes they’re even now, but fury spins in her blood all the same. “Fuck you.”

Ezra blinks, like he’s trying not to appear wounded. “For the record,” he says, “I would never hurt you. I’ve been trying to protect you.”

Mallory shakes her head as she snatches her bag. “I don’t believe a thing you say anymore.”

Ezra’s eyes harden, the final thread cut.

“Fine. Decide I’m a monster if it makes this easier.” He leans in to add, “I’ll be one for you, Jules.”

She glares at him, stone in her eyes to hide the fear, before stalking toward the door. She half expects Ezra to call after her, to plead with her to stay.

Instead, he lets her walk out into the storm.

Mallory doesn’t cry until she’s back in her room.

She takes the stairs three at a time, everything blurring through rain and tears. She avoids eye contact with a group of students coming down the hall, and runs straight to her dorm, slamming the door.

Once inside, she drops her bag and sinks to the floor, burying her face in her hands. She never thought of trust as something that existed outside of her body, but that’s what it is—a fragile object, made of porcelain or glass, that she’d kept tucked in a secret place until she offered it to him. She’s not sure if she was foolish to give it away or brave to let it go. Perhaps, she thinks with a sob, it’s both.

It takes her several moments to realize that her roomwasn’t empty when she barged in. Because when she raises her gaze, it’s to find Raf and Arden staring at her.

They’re lying on Arden’s frilly pink comforter, a smattering of books to one side as though they attempted to study but gave up.

“I-I’m sorry,” Mallory stammers, face flushing as she registers Raf wearing only his jeans, belt undone, Arden in shorts and bra. “I didn’t mean to interrupt—”

“What happened?” Arden asks, unfazed. She tugs on a T-shirt and sails across the room, crouching on the floor beside her. Raf pulls on his sweater, eyes rounded in concern.

“Are you hurt?” Arden demands, searching her gaze. “Was it Ezra?”

Unable to come up with an answer worthy of the torn-up feeling inside her, Mallory just nods and rests against Arden’s shoulder as a new rush of tears spills loose. Arden strokes her wet hair in response, tucking stray pieces behind her ears. For a moment, they stay that way. Just the soft sound of rain and puffs of Arden’s Gap Om fragrance, making Mallory think about sneaking cigarettes beneath tiled walls, back when they belonged to each other and no one else. The pain in her chest throbs with remorse.

“You don’t have to tell me right now,” Arden says. “You don’t have to tell me at all. I’m here, Mal. I’ve always been here.”

“I’m sorry,” Mallory manages. “For lying, for keeping so many secrets, for breaking our pact, for—”