Page 92 of Counting the Days

The wanting was strongest in the evening, when she would have told him about her day and heard about his. She missed his opinion, his humor, his teasing. A relentless ache for him overtook her every time she lay in bed. Memories of his touch, his smoky smell, the low gravity of his voice, the security of his solid presence, moved through her with a fiery ferocity that made her have to grip her sheets and take deep breaths.

But there was a vast difference between needing a partner and wanting one. The wanting she could handle; it did not capsize her because now she knew she would always be okay. She knew she was not broken, not lacking, not half of a person, but a whole, lovely, perfectly flawed woman. Did this mean she could stop forcing and pressurizing the future? Stop anxiously eyeing her biological clock, afraid there was a glitch in her divine timing? Could she trust her life and finally just be Rhea Darby?

—

Rhea got out of hercar at Malibu Bluffs Park and struggled with the moon-and-stars balloons crowding her backseat. She carried them through the parking lot. A week had passed since she looked into Danny’s eyes; she was proud of herself for how light she felt, and it was not just because she was holding balloons.

She arrived at a picnic table where the Achebe-Miller family was setting up a birthday party for Chichi.

“Ilovethose balloons,” Ada said while spreading out a tablecloth covered in moons. “Thank you so much, Ahree.”

“What do you say, Chichi?” Marcus asked.

“Thank you, Ahree,” Chichi said obligatorily.

“And what are those curved moons called?” Marcus asked, pointing at the balloons.

“Crescent.”

Marcus beamed and looked at Rhea like,Isn’t she something?

When she’d asked Chichi what kind of fifth birthday party she wanted, Ada feared she was going to say, “A doo-doo party!” But thankfully, Chichi had become obsessed with the moon and the idea of building a fort on its surface. Her parents were relieved; it seemed her fecal phase had finally come to an end.

“Hey, Chichi, why didn’t the moon eat dinner?” Rhea asked.

“Why?” Chichi was already laughing.

“Because it wasfull.”

Chichi thought about it and cracked up. “You’re funny, Ahree.”

Marcus and Ada looked at each other with immense pride in their creation. Rhea hugged the darling child for less than a second before she squirmed away to show Rhea her moon cake.

Tiny arrived carrying Wolfie in a Björn while Jason carried sheets, cardboard boxes, and tent poles—everything Ada had requested. They were going to build a fort for Chichi on the moonlike surface of Malibu Bluffs Park. Marcus and Jason began building the fort while discussing the thrilling turn in the Dodgers’ postseason.

The Hornbrook family arrived, also carrying sheets and tent poles; Ada had her heart set on a very large fort for her daughter, and everyone knew better than to argue. The rest of the guests trickled in, and time sped up as Rhea greeted people, played with Chichi on the jungle gym, and set up an elaborate cheese plate. Ekele sat near her and demanded she slice some cheese for him. It was the most he had ever spoken to her; she was honored to be chosen.

“Where’s Uncle Danny?” he asked as he stuffed cheese in his mouth.

“I don’t…know where Uncle Danny is, but he told me to give you this.”

Rhea kissed the top of Ekele’s head, but he seemed unmoved and demanded more cheese.

The fort was built, and thirty people ducked inside. Chichi was beside herself with glee. She and her friends began an elaborate game of moon dwelling as the adults got too hot and ducked back outside.

Rhea poured herself a metal tumbler of white wine, walked over to the cliff’s edge, and watched the waves crash on the coast. She felt a whisper of longing in her chest. She didn’t know if it was for Danny or motherhood or just general human longing; the craving to possess and experience absolutely everything all the time with the dull ache of always having to settle for less than that.

She filled her lungs and exhaled slowly, silently repeating her mantra. She turned around to relish the scene: the joy, the community, the celebration of her precious little Chichi. Her friends were preparing to pose for a photo, and they called for Ahree.

Rhea rejoined the group as they gathered in front of an iPhone on a tripod. Zoe set the timer and ran into the photo. Ada was holding Obinna, and Marcus was holding the birthday girl. Ekele looked around, and instead of throwing a fit, he reached for Rhea to pick him up. She did so while downplaying her shock; Ekele was finally warming up to his wacky aunt Rhea.

—

She drove home through thewinding canyon with a car riding close to her tail, as usual. She began the ascent up her street,turned onto her driveway, and softly gasped when she saw Danny’s truck.

She stared at it, hoping it was not an apparition. She got out of her car and ran up fifty-two steps with a racing pulse. Danny stood when he saw her; he had been sitting on the wooden bench she’d recently purchased. His black hair was swept back from nervously running his hands through it, and his deep eyes took her in. He was so beautiful; she wanted to punch him in the face.

“Hi…I was just about to call you,” he said.