Page 69 of Counting the Days

“I didn’t start talking ’til I was four.”

“Are you serious?”

“Swear. My parents kept taking me to all these specialists. For a while, they thought I was deaf. And the whole time I kept thinking,How could I ever get a word in?And my parents talk even more than my sisters.”

“Wow.” Rhea tried to imagine how that was possible. “Even your dad?”

“Especially him.”

“Really? I pictured him sorta silently skulking in the corner. What’s he talk about?”

“His favorite topic right now is rectal cancer; it runs in my family, it’s gonna kill me, and I should worry about it twenty-four hours a day. It’s just relentless. But the weirdest part is,they all know they talk too much. They constantly talk about the fact that they never stop talking.”

Rhea laughed. “Well, it’s why you’re such a good listener.”

Danny smiled. “I’m really glad you’re here. I want you to meet some people.”

He took her around his backyard, introducing her to friends from UCLA, where he had been an undergraduate; Wharton; and work. Rhea relaxed on his arm. His solid body, his low, grounded voice—he was having the same calming effect on her he always did. Danny was a human Xanax. His friends were all warm and welcoming and seemed very excited to learn that Danny had a girlfriend.

As they moved from group to group, she began to feel like a celebrity: the woman Danny Beckett finally chose. At Ada’s baby shower, the shock about Rhea’s boyfriend meant Rhea was an odious crone, but the shock about Danny’s girlfriend meant he was a discerning prince who took his time picking the lucky winner. Rhea was trying to be mentally present and enjoy her winnings, but all she could think about was Han’s advice:

“Rhea, you need to show Danny the kind of stable, loving parent you would be, so you can make the idea of raising a child together feel safe and finally have your dream life.”

Okay, fine, those were not his exact words, but that was the sentiment.

As she engaged in small talk with Danny’s social circle, she kept her eyes peeled for an opportunity to follow Han’sunintentional guidance. What better way to soften one’s negative stance on parenthood than learning about their partner’s amazing parental qualities? A few minutes after Rhea observed Danny’s gentle patience while drawing with Chichi, she’d started ovulating. Surely, Danny seeing Rhea’s maternal side would have a similar effect.

Rhea sat by the fire, eating a veggie burger, listening to Danny’s UCLA friend talk about his upcoming tonsillectomy. He was hoping the surgery would help his sleep apnea, and Rhea genuinely tried to care about this, but she was keeping one eye on every child at the party, hoping she could bond with one of them in front of her boyfriend. Danny sat down next to her with a veggie burger of his own and joined the riveting topic of tonsils.

“Uncle Danny, wanna come in the bounce house?” a small voice said.

Rhea whipped around to find a ten-year-old boy who looked like Danny standing a few feet away.

“Of course, bud, lemme eat this real quick and I’ll go with you,” Danny said. “Oh, and, Kai, this is my girlfriend, Rhea.”

“Hello,” Kai said politely.

“This is my nephew,” Danny said to Rhea.

Kai turned to leave, obviously not wanting to continue this interaction further, but Rhea said, “Hi there, Kai! I like your shirt. Are those Ninja Turtles?”

Kai turned back and said, “No, just turtles.”

And rather than wait for a possibly more inviting, friendlier child to bond with, Rhea said, “I’ll go in the bounce house with you!”

Thank goodness someone had trained Kai to stifle his autonomy and sacrifice himself to keep all the adults around him comfortable. Rather than following his instincts and saying, “Nothanks, weirdo,” he sadly said, “Sure,” and headed toward the bounce house, trying to hide his obviousNo thanks, weirdoenergy.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that—you’re eating,” Danny said.

“No—I’m basically done.” Rhea stuffed half a burger in her mouth. “I’m happy to go. I love kids.”

She noticed a slight hitch in Danny’s gaze and regretted the last sentence; it felt a little too dicey given their history. She put her beer on a nearby table and practically skipped toward the bounce house, as if she wanted nothing more than to toss her aging body around an inflatable castle with a strange child. Kai was nowhere to be seen; he was probably hiding in the depths of the castle, hoping to shake her.

As she wobbled up the inflatable slide in her wedge heels, more regrets overcame her; she regretted wearing wedges and a daringly short Zimmermann dress, she regretted eating a second veggie burger, but mostly she regretted ever talking to Kai.

She casually tossed her wedges; they landed in a pile of cacti. She got on her hands and knees to crawl through the opening that was meant for small children. She had to crawl one-handed and use the other hand for holding down the back of her dress, hopefully covering her vagina as she struggled through the tiny archway.

Once inside, she realized there were far more children at this party than she’d thought. The bounce house was packed with sweaty, sticky bodies, and most of them were voluntarily smashing into one another. She clawed the perimeter and tried to stay upright. She saw Kai on the opposite end of the bounce house, no doubt trying to get lost in the crowd.