Page 47 of Counting the Days

“I don’t know…do we think it’s weird he hasn’t reached out yet?”

“You guys stayed up all night. He’s probably at home sleeping. He’s gonna reach out…and when he does, what are you gonna say?”

“About what?”

“The baby stuff, Ree. Where do you stand? Are you still on the fence?”

“I don’t know!”

“I’m pretty sure ‘I don’t know’ and ‘on the fence’ mean the same thing.”

Rhea had crossed a bridge for Danny last night, the bridge to a childless existence.

“What if being a mom would make me really happy?”

“If I’ve learned anything from lotsa money and privilege, it’s that nothingmakesyou happy, Ree, you’re either happy or you’re not.”

Rhea drove in silence, listening to Tiny breathing heavily, presumably trying not to throw up.

After many minutes, Rhea broke the silence. “Well, if Danny is on one side of the fence and there’s no Danny on the other, then…I’m on the Danny side.”

“Congratulations, my friend. It sounds like you’re no longer on the fuckin’ fence.”

—

Rhea took a bath inher rusty claw-foot tub, her hand hanging over the edge, clinging to her cellphone. When her skin was pruned and the water tepid, she dried off with a towel in one hand and her phone in the other. She tried to read a historical fiction book about Albert Einstein’s wife, and she tried to watchThe Great British Baking Show;every distraction was futile.

She tried yelling, “Just text me!” at her phone, to no avail.

She tried to eat an Amy’s frozen lasagna. She tried to attend a YouTube Pilates class but ended up sitting on her mat staring off into space while the gorgeous teacher’s soothing voice said, “Raise your arms straight up and pull your abs in tightly.”

She did not want to pull her abs in tightly; she wanted to talk to Danny.

She decided to get some work done and began scrolling through merchandise for the shop. She found herself on a local potter’s Etsy page ordering more handmade ceramics than she normally would have. She was using her boutique as an odd kind of retail therapy.

To prevent herself from spending every dollar of Topanga General Store’s seasonal budget in one sitting, she had to switch tactics. Instead of distracting herself from the fact that Danny hadn’t texted her all day, she needed to convince herself that it was totally normal and reasonable forherto text him. She worked on that for about an hour, telling herself to just go for it.

She pulled out her phone but could not go through with it. Instead, she took a shot of tequila. Not something she normally did alone, but desperate times call for tequila. She didn’t even know what she was going to say to him.Hey, I just wanna make sure you know I’m willing to throw my future away for you.Not that she would be throwing it away; she would be sharing it with him.

She pulled her vision board out of her closet. She cut outpieces of construction paper and taped them over all the children. She stood back and looked at her child-free future. The beautiful husbands were still glued in place, and with Rhea and Danny’s combined incomes, they could no doubt afford the Craftsman home. Although it would probably feel haunted and empty with just the two of them rattling around in there.

She would have much more time to dedicate herself to her charitable causes. She could probably stand to take on a brand-new cause. She rifled throughNational Geographicand glued a picture of a skinny dog on the board to represent her future work with stray animals.

She searched through some oldVogues and cut out images of fashion boutiques. Maybe she would put all her baby-making energy toward becoming a driven career woman, finally franchise Topanga General Store, and make her FIDM teachers proud. She would never have to worry about maternity leave or spending less time with Louisca and all her regulars, who had become like a weird shopping-addicted family. Her future could still be blindingly bright.

She took a deep breath, pulled out her phone, and searched for “Danny.” Several Dannys appeared, but when none had the last name “Edible Gardener,” she remembered she had deleted his number to prevent this exact thing from happening: succumbing to her own weak-mindedness.

Rhea weighed her options:

Be patient and let him make the first move.

If he never reaches out again, take that as a sign they were not meant to be together.