Page 39 of Counting the Days
“I can see why you keep coming back. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.” She said this while looking out at the churning ocean, although she was referring to Danny.
“So…why did you come here? To the workshop, I mean.”
She knew what he was really asking:Why did you tell me you weren’t looking for anything serious right before attending a soulmate workshop?She had been trying to avoid this moment, but diving into the ocean and swimming off into the horizon seemed too cold and perilous, so she met his gaze and explained herself.
“Well…I might not have told you the whole truth when I, uh, texted you….”
“Yeah, I sorta gathered that.”
“The truth is, I am looking for something serious, but…”
“You actually don’t owe me an explanation—”
“No, no, I do—”
“You really don’t. I just…I had a good time with you and thought—”
“I want kids,” she blurted out.
“Ah,” he said, and fell silent.
“You said you didn’t want kids, and I do, so I didn’t want to continue down a road that has a dead end….”
“I understand.” His voice was thick with sadness. The moment seemed far bigger than saying goodbye to a woman he had gone on one date with. A lifetime of loneliness hung in the air, making Rhea want to crawl onto his lap and bury her face in his neck.
“Well, I’m glad it came up early,” he said, clearing his throat. “I don’t want to waste anyone’s time and the older I get, the more it comes up, and, yeah…”
“You should just start dating twenty-year-olds,” Rhea quipped.
“Yeah, it’s too bad I don’t want to have childrenordate them.”
“Too bad.”
They sat in silence.
“Why don’t you wanna have kids?” she boldly asked.
“No, nope, I’m not gonna list all my reasons to someone who wants them. That’s like if I read you the ingredients while you were eating a Twinkie.”
“You can’t ruin it for me, I promise, I’m rock solid.”
“Rock solid? Okay…well—no, I don’t even like hearing myself talk about this—”
Rhea looked at him expectantly.
“Okay, fine…The planet is overpopulated. Each American creates about a hundredthousandpounds of garbage in a lifetime, and I don’t want to double that by having a kid. I just read that we’re eating about acredit carda week ’cause so many microplastics are hidden in our food and our water. The whole thing has gotten way out of hand….”
“So, you’re forgoing the miracle of childbirth to help the planet? That’s very noble of you,” she said while internally rolling her eyes.
“That’s one of the reasons….”
“Well, what ifyourchild was going to be the person who invented a biodegradable replacement for plastic and you’re refusing to bring them here, thereby dooming the planet?”
“Okay, fine, point taken, but it’s not my only reason. I was raised by nannies. My parents both worked all the time. It was lonely and…I don’t want to do that to a kid.”
“Well, what if your wife stayed home with the kid?”
“ButIwould still have to abandon them every day. The thought of wrenching their tiny hands off my leg in the morning so I can go pursue my passion just…doesn’t work for me.”
