Page 24 of A Thousand Painted Hours

“Who knows?” I thought of his voice in my ear, urging me to stay alive. To write letters. “I told him that I didn’t know how I could bearit all again, and he said, and I quote, ‘You will bear it.’ And we will, Nina. We’re strong.”

She sighed. “You’restrong. I’m spoiled.”

I laughed. “True.” I paused. “One thing I must manage now is what to do with the rest of my paintings. I wonder if I might store them at Clystmere Hall, or even Greylake. Will your brother mind, do you think?”

“Of course not. I’m sure he’d be delighted.”

“It’s a bit more out of the way, and I’d feel safer. I don’t know what will happen in London.”

She shifted, her legs beneath her on the flagstones. “No, you must let me manage it all. They’re your children. You must send them to the country. I’ll speak with Father and arrange for transport.”

Having a task to manage energized her. “Thank you.”

She tapped her index fingers together on the side of her glass. Condensation beaded on the surface splashed ever so slightly. “Do you think we made a mistake, not having human children?”

I looked away, throat tight. “I did try.”

“I know.” She touched my knee. “And really, how much worse would it be to think of them in the war, or getting bombed somewhere, or taken prisoner, or God forbid, becoming Nazis if we’re invaded?”

“Some things don’t bear thinking about.” Carefully, I sipped the mint tea, thinking of Tanveer and Gurdaya and me, unsupervised and wild in Nainital. How happy we’d been! “Whatever made you think of that?”

“Your paintings—which will be your legacy. I don’t have one.”

“Of course you do. You have your big, beautiful life, and your lovers and your friends.”

“It isn’t the same. What has my life meant at all? Frivolity, all of it.”

It was unlike her to be so introspective, and I paused to take it seriously. Her eyes seemed doubly enormous in her thin face. I moved from my chair to sit next to her, settling my body against hers, thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder, and looped an arm around her. Forlong moments, I could not imagine what might lift her spirits in any meaningful way.

“At least we have survived,” I said at last, thinking of Rocky and my brother. Grayson. So many others. “I think about Rocky almost every day. How much light he brought into the world. How happy he made all of us.”

“There’s never been anyone else like him.”

“There’s never been anyone like you, either, my darling Nina. I cannot even imagine how my life would have unfolded without you.”

She leaned into me. “Don’t mind me. I just feel so tired.”

“Perhaps you should visit your father in person, get out of London.”

“Mmm. Jonathan is in need of my support just now.”

“Are you speaking of me, wife?” Jonathan said from the doorway. “I’m not a frail old man, you know.”

But he did walk with a cane, the legacy of his war injuries, and his neck bore a pink scar from those terrible days. Still, he was a handsome man, sleek and aristocratic. He dropped a kiss on Nina’s head and one on mine. “How are you, Elsie? Your mother get through the night all right?”

“She did, thank you.”

“Good, good.” He sat in the seat I’d vacated. “I’m only here for a bath and a bit of a lie down.”

Nina asked, “Shall I have Sassy prepare some dinner?”

“No, we’re eating well enough at headquarters.” He was in charge of transporting troops, both in and out of England, and of course could not talk about it at all. “Have you heard from Peter?” he asked at last.

“He spent the night in a shelter,” I said. “I left him sleeping.”

“It’s all hands on deck, if you could relay that to him.”

“Of course.”