Page 63 of The Last Letter of Rachel Ellsworth

Good grief! Why hadn’t she thought of her?

And why hadn’t Veronica offeredbefore? She’d lose the little office she loved, but Amber needed something soon.

For a moment, she felt enormous disgust at herself for not considering this offer sooner, which led to feeling more disgust over the meal she’d scarfed down like a teenager, eating the entire burger and the fries, so much food that she felt unexpectedly bloated. Probably all the salt. What an idiot—

The mental noise started to build higher and higher, like a toddler having a temper tantrum and dragging out toys from every corner ofthe house. She saw the chartreuse shame of the affair with Tomas, and the size of her ass at the end of the pandemic, and—

Stop.

She caught sight of her face in a mirror and was quite stricken by the twist on her lips. Holding her phone, she approached the mirror and really looked at her face. She relaxed her mouth, shook her head, looked again. Her cheekbones were almost too gaunt. The collarbones she’d taken such pride in just looked bony. No wonder Mariah had urged her to eat!

Stop!

One of the things she’d learned in the group counseling she’d been forced by the courts to take was that she was really bad at boundaries. The result was that she swallowed her own feelings over and over, which led to anger and turning it on herself, but also led to erupting like a volcano, as she had the day she’d been arrested.

What boundary did she need to set right now? She closed her eyes. Took a breath. She was in charge of her own eating. She didn’t need to starve to please Spence, or eat like a teenager to please Mariah, the ex-athlete.

She did want to enjoy the experience of eating abroad, to sample things here that she wouldn’t taste at home. Like the lamb kebab in London, which she’d eaten with great relish, and the snacks from Waitrose.

But before she got completely lost in her own appetite, she texted Amber:Have you found an apartment? I might have an idea.

An answer came back instantly:i’m all ears.

be my roommate.

what? what about the kids?

Of course. Amber had three kids under seven, who visited her every other weekend. Veronica had been imagining Amber would be in the room she was currently using as an office, but the kids needed a place to sleep sometimes. She typed,You’ll take my bedroom and I can move into the office room. A bunk bed should do the trick, right?

Three dots.

Three dots.

Three dots.

i’m crying r u sure

yes but there’s a problem I need to solve. Can I call you?

Veronica started dialing, and Amber answered on the first ring. “We need to talk about the rent, girlfriend,” she said. “I don’t have a ton of money.”

“We can split it,” Veronica said, and named the figure. “Is that okay?”

“Yes! Better than okay. Oh my God, I can’t believe it! That’s such a nice place.”

“There’s a small catch, Amber.”

“Oh.”

“I need you to get my car from Denver to the apartment as collateral for my rent. Is that even possible?” She explained the situation with Spence, the money, the car. “I’ll be evicted if I can’t get this worked out.”

“Ugh, I can’t leave the county, remember? But I got something better. I have deposit money saved, so I can cover the whole rent.”

A wild swell of relief rose through her. It almost seemed too good to be true. Veronica hesitated. “Are you sure?”

“Do I have to wait for you to get back?”

“No way. You can move in today if you want. You can pick up the key from my daughter.”