Page 11 of The Last Letter of Rachel Ellsworth

“No,” he said, “but you’re not really ...”

“What?”

He glanced at Jenna. “Well traveled.”

“Oh, so I shouldn’t travel because I haven’t traveled?”

“Mom, you’re also a lot older than our friends.”

“True.”

“And there are the ... uh ... mental health things,” Jenna blurted out.

“Fair,” Veronica said, even if it wasn’t, not really. She was referring to the arrest and everything around it. Her—very temporary—madness. “Well, you and I both know there were extenuating circumstances, and I am as sane as anyone. It’s been over a year, and I’m fine.”

“But what if it gets stressful? What if ...” Jenna looked slightly teary, which softened Veronica’s stance. She covered Jenna’s hand with her own.

She tried never to cast blame, even indirectly, but she’d been suffering a desperately broken heart at the time. “I’m fine, as I think you know. And I really need this job.”

“Can’t you get something nearby?” Jenna asked.

Tim said, “It will be weird with you gone at the holidays.”

“I know, but I wouldn’t be with you guys in Breck anyway.”

“Come on, Mom,” Jenna pleaded. “Can’t you just stay here and find something after Christmas?”

The buoyant excitement she’d been feeling as she packed started to drain away. The clear, bright path ahead suddenly looked as gray and winter-dull as it had for months.

The plunge reminded her of the winter of her senior year, waiting for replies from colleges—the joy of being accepted, the potential inherent in each opening, followed by the reality of the enormous cost. They all offered aid packages, but nowhere near enough, and each time, her heart sank into the gray landscape of her future like a deflated balloon. Only CU had finally offered enough aid to allow her to say yes.

But this time, she had some autonomy, some control over her situation. “I won’t even see you for a week.” She spoke honestly, clearly. “Last year was pretty awful for me.”

“I guess I get that,” Tim said.

“I don’t want to look for anything else.” She glanced at Jenna. “You said yourself it was right up my alley.”

Ben spoke. “Dad isn’t even talking to us all that much. The only thing he cares about right now is the b-baby.”

“I’m sorry.” She looked at each of them, cupped a hand around Ben’s face, which was starting to fur at the jawline as he grew a scraggly beard. She understood the pain and confusion they felt, but she couldn’t do their grief work for them. They had to work out their relationshipwith their dad on individual terms. “You guys know I love you so much, right?”

Nods.

“There’s nothing I can do about your dad, but your grandparents will be there at Christmas, and probably Aunt Ellen and Uncle Clint and your cousins. You won’t feel lonely.” She lifted a shoulder. “It’s not like I ever got on the slopes with you.”

“That’s true,” Ben said.

“On the rest of your concerns: First of all, it’s research. I’m traveling with a twenty-five-year-old, so she’s still got all her faculties, and I won’t be hoodwinked at a train station.”

Tim grinned in appreciation.

“I got all my shots and a prescription for antibiotics, so all of that is covered.” She took a breath and spread her hands. “Most of all, I’mreallyexcited about it. Can you just be happy for me?”

“It’s almost too good to be true,” Ben said.

“Yeah,” Veronica said. “Maybe it’s just my turn for something good.”

“Will you at least let me check the credentials and history of this person you’re traveling with?” Tim asked.