Page 73 of Memories of the Lost

“Okay. That’s good information.”

“I can’t stop painting these odd things, and I really need to focus on the things I’m supposed to be doing. I have a show in a few months.”

“Okay.” Winnie settled. “Do you want to get started with the EMDR?”

“Now?” she squeaked. “No, no, no. I don’t have anybody around. My best friend is on a plane to Crete, and the guy I’ve been dating is in London. Anyway, he’s tangled up in all of this somehow.”

“You didn’t mention him. How is he connected?”

“I’m not sure,” she said slowly, “but I keep thinking that if he hadn’t also been there that night I saw the painting, none of this would be happening.”

“Yet.”

“Right. I mean, I guess eventually things come out or ... Do people ever keep things behind a paywall forever?”

“Sure,” she said. “People manage all kinds of things in all kinds of ways. But in this case, your mind wants you to figure it out. Or at least that’s how it looks from here. You almost did it that first time around but shoved it all back down. Now your mother has died, and you’re processing all kinds of emotions.”

“Yeah.” Tillie curled her arms around herself. “My mom was still alive then.”

“Yes. I also suspect that’s the change here.” She tapped her pen against her chin. “Tell me about the new guy. Do you think he reminds you of someone?”

“Not exactly? I just feel like I’ve always known him. Like,always, which is stupid, I know, and he’s also famous, so maybe I’ve just seen him somewhere and filed his face away.”

“Famous?”

“Not like a rock star or an actor. He leads workshops and things like that.”

“I see.” Winnie made another note. Looked at Tillie without judgment or conversation.

“So what do we do?”

“It’s not going to happen fast, Tillie. I’d really rather meet with you in person as well. Is that possible for you?”

“Yes.”

“We can also try some drug therapy, if you feel you need it.”

Some part of her threw up a hand.No.She touched her chest in surprise. “No. Not right now, anyway.”

“All right. You have twofold homework. I want you to journal every day as a general practice, preferably when you first wake up, and also whenever you feel anxious or worried. And I want you to keep a dream journal. Write down any dreams you have, and whatever emotions come up.”

A little sense of panic fluttered in her throat. “I’m scared. What if I find out something I don’t want to know?”

“We can do some hypnosis to help keep you from getting overwhelmed, if you like.”

“Okay.”

“We’ll start that at our next session. Can you come in next week?”

“Yes, of course.”

They scheduled an appointment. Winnie said, “You have my number. Text me if you need to. Are you feeling okay right now?”

Tillie tested her body. “I’m good.”

“All right. I’ll see you next week.”

As often happened when she finished a therapy session, she fell back asleep.