Page 70 of The Starfish Sisters

“Joel and I have some things to do here,” I say. “I’ll come find you guys later. They said it might be sunny this afternoon. Maybe we can all walk on the beach? Have your nana show off her tide pool knowledge.”

“Okay.” She leans close and hugs me with her whole body, unselfconscious, her head against my meager chest. Beryl was probably much nicer to sink into.

“You okay?” Phoebe asks.

I nod.

“Come find us later.” She hugs me, too. I smell hints of Beryl, but also the fullness of Phoebe herself, intensified as if her body temperature is higher. I think of Ben holding her and something in me lightens.

“I will.”

They leave me and Joel standing in the kitchen, alone. I stick my hands in my back pockets, not quite able to look away from his sober, kind face. A thousand tiny moments and dozens of big ones wash around my brain, making my heart flutter wildly. I swallow. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” His eyes soften. I notice his throat, and he swallows. His tone is gruff when he says, “How about that coffee?”

It takes a few minutes to locate the coffeemaker, and another couple to dig coffee out of the freezer. It’s good to have something to do with my hands. “I hope this is still good,” I comment, examining it. “I bought it over the summer.”

“It’ll be fine. I’m not that picky.”

“You don’t like tea.”

“Nope.” He gives me a half smile. “But if it’s trouble, you don’t have to bother.”

“Well, I’m all in now,” I say, pointing to the coffee grinder I’ve also pulled out.

“I see that.” He dips his head toward the utility room. “I’m going to take a look at that alarm while you’re doing that.”

“Thank you.” Pale light casts gloss over the part of his hair, throws into relief the crow’s-feet around his eyes. “It really will make me feel better to have it working.”

He nods. I step sideways to let him by, and as he passes, I take a breath to inhale his scent, startled that it’s exactly the same.

Before he entirely passes me, he stops. “Sorry about being so aloof all day yesterday. It’s a little weird to see you.”

“It is weird. I mean—” I shake my head. There’s so much between us, so many things we never had the chance to sort out that there’s almost no way to approach them. And yet I’m hungry to hear about him. His life. His thoughts. “Howareyou, Joel?”

He looks out the window, and I see a dozen things cross his face. “Good and bad. How about you?”

I spread my hands. “Same.”

He moves into the utility room, and I grind beans, wash the pot, fill it up with water. The smell of coffee must be one of the headiest in the world, but it transports me, always, to the fellowship hall at my father’s church. I was often the one making it, serving it, cleaning it up. Maybe that’s the reason I still don’t drink it. Like cooking, it reminds me of things I don’t ever want to think about again.

Some of Phoebe’s cranberry bread is wrapped up on the counter. When I start slicing it, Maui trots into the kitchen, his tags jingling. Hope gives him a big toothy grin. “Dogs don’t need bread,” I say, but look in the fridge for something more appropriate. “They can have turkey, though.”

He slurps it up. Waits for more. Yul Brynner leaps lightly onto the counter for his share, and I give him some tidbits, too. They both stare at me, and I laugh. “It’s not time.”

Joel returns. “The alarm is very outdated. I don’t think the software is supported any longer.”

“That explains a lot,” I say, leaning on the counter. I almost cross my arms and stop in time. I don’t want to appear to be defensive, and the actor side of me knows that I need to keep my body open and relaxed if I want him to feel that way. Or maybe all this is silly. It’s been decades. We’ve both had lives.

Be normal, I say to myself.Treat him like any old friend.“What do you want in your coffee?”

“Just black.”

I pour a cup and offer the plate of sliced bread, picking a piece up as I curl into the banquette, my feet under me. Yul Brynner trots over, tail high, and settles behind me, smelling my ear. Maui huffs and lies down on the floor. I feel like I have a team.

Joel gingerly perches on the other side of the table, and studies me as he sips the coffee. “It’s strange to see you in person after seeing you on screens.”

“Did you see my movies?”