Page 113 of The Replay

It would be different if they asked me how much I'm enjoying Mariana's presence at home. If I answered that question honestly, and told them it's bliss, and that I keep thinking that if heaven exists, it's surely as fun and satisfying as everything we've been doing, and well… I think that would be too telling.

If I'm not ready to confront what that means for me, I'm for sure not ready for them to assume anything either.

"But neither of you are dating other people," Nat says.

I bring Mariana's hand to my lips and drop a kiss on its back.

She answers like there's nothing special about it. "We're too busy to meet people at the moment, and being exclusive means we can indulge properly."

Pen frowns. "That's got to be a euphemism."

"I mean, she's still not wearing his jersey." Ames's eyes narrow.

"I wouldn't want to send the wrong signal to people, you know?" Mariana replies.

"Right, right." Evie's lips push to the side. "You don't want to talk to HR, or Mariana's family, or Dom's."

"My mom and mi abuela know." I shrug. "But we don't want other people knowing."

"Because you're going to break up," Pen says.

I lift a finger to interrupt. "Correction. We can't break up if we're not a couple."

My friends give us bewildered looks.

Mariana nods. "My parents wouldn't get it. They would think I'm ridiculous and they're not the kind to keep their thoughts to themselves. I'd rather save myself the headache to be honest. They don't need to hear what I do in my free time, you know? That way all they see is that I know what I'm doing in terms of running a foundation department, and that I can build something up and leave it better than I found it, and that I have the experience to run my own projects when I go back to England."

I kiss her cheek. My friends may not realize that this is Mariana working to be better. Finding ways to be proud of herself, defining her future on her terms, and building a space within her family dynamics and expectations. It's more of the Mariana I wish I had seen when we were in college, but I guess she couldn't get here without having lived the life she has lived.

"Sooo…" Evie studies each of us in turn. "Friends with benefits. Is that it?"

Mariana and I gaze at each other, fitting our decisions against the new label, and nod in unison.

It doesn't seem to fully convince them.

Ames frowns. "Because you don't think the fact you have history will complicate anything. Like you can just… enjoy the next few weeks then shake hands and wish each other well."

"Yes." Mariana nods. "That's the goal."

"You're being a little silly." Nat gives us an incredulous look. "You know that, right?"

I laugh. "It works for us."

Ames shakes her head, displaying how little sense we make to her.

"As long as you pull it off," she says.

"We want to see you happy, is all," Evie adds.

"I know." I smile at them, and we turn for the last drive. "It's what we want, too."

The Strike are on defense. It helps to know that my friends are watching helplessly too, as they're forced to wait and see what happens. I stare at the clock. This game is practically impossible to win.

We all make disappointed noises when the final whistle blows.

I sigh. "I was right. It sucks to watch a loss from up here, too."

"Do you need to go to the locker room now for the post-game chat?" Ames asks.