Page 109 of The Replay

"I care about you, too." My mouth pulls up from one side. "Obviously. Not like I had any filters at all last night."

She bites her lip. "It was cute."

"It wasn't. No need to lie to me."

"So, so adorable. After you recover and the injury is a thing of the past, and you look at this time with more equanimity, you'll see how sweet you were."

"I wasn't sweet. I was senseless. Addled, like Rafa said to me during my intervention a few hours ago."

She laughs. "What did they say?"

I adjust my pillow. It's not as comfortable as usual, for some reason. Once that's done, I fix the blankets so they cover us up to our shoulders, too.

"They don't want me messing up," I finally say.

"How could you mess this up?"

"A few ways. Forgetting that this will end, for example."

It's the worst interpretation I can think of for some of the things I said. I've been hoping it didn't cross Mariana's mind.

Two lines appear on her brow. I reassure her before she can get there on her own.

"Don't worry," I say. "I won't forget. Remember— I was drugged, and still made it clear I want us to get it right."

She studies me for a long moment, searching for something in my eyes. I don't interrupt.

"I can't go through another heartbreak like when I first left for England," she whispers after a while. "Or losing you altogether while having you so close. Or losing your friends, to be honest."

"I know. I understand."

"The life I'm making… finding a way to have you in it again… It feels like I'm playing with fire, but in a life-giving way. Like in ancient times, when there would be someone taking care of the flames, and learning from them, and even traveling with a burning ember, just to make sure it never died."

I hold her hand on my chest, caressing the back of it with a thumb.

What we're doing is a gift we're giving each other.

"We're going to be okay," I say. "I promise I'll do my best. And my friends, well… they'll bug me. Tease us about it. But they won't say anything else."

"Cora will give me time to figure things out, and I'm starting therapy again in a bit. That should help, right?"

"That should help." I give her a kiss. "No need to run to HR yet, or tell anyone else."

"Good. I'd rather not have to think about anyone else's expectations. Especially not HR, your family, or mine."

Chapter 35

Mariana

Mornings are not my favorite, but I get going and start my day. Dom is in the shower, I'm finishing my makeup, and I'm ready for my first coffee of the day. In other words, a normal day. So far, so good.

Six days since coming to stay with Dom, he and I are finding our rhythm. His treatment started, and his focus is on being ready for the Divisional game and the rest of the playoffs. While he follows every instruction from the Strike's medical team at the Thunderdome, upstairs in the front office, I'm a ball of nerves.

I draw a sharper eyeline today. It makes me feel more in control. With the gala happening in less than three weeks, I'll borrow confidence from every little thing I can think of. Sure, everything is on schedule, the people helping me are on top of things, and even my Christmas trip is accounted for. But the thing about living with generalized anxiety is that you tend to focus on the potential for things to go wrong, rather than the things that are going well. Even after all the work I've put into learning to manage the way my brain thinks, a flutter stilltakes over my heart when I look at my to-do list. My stomach still churns when a small thing goes awry. I still wake up a few too many times during the night.

It's okay. I have a plan. And as soon as the gala is done and the holidays are over, my stress levels will go down, and I'll cope a little better. I'll start planning my transition back to England. I'll take what I've learned and I'll start on a proposal that fits with Maisie's vision and mine. I'll prove that I know what I'm doing, and maybe I'll see respect in my parents' eyes again.

I check the results of my work and decide on a final touch— I paint my lips a muted red, for a not-super-bold, but bold-enough look, and pop into the bathroom. Dom is coming out of the shower.