Page 104 of The Replay

They're accompanied by two people wearing the Strike's medical team shirt.

"We're kicking you out now," one of them says. "We want one last exam and then it's rest for him, before the flight home with you all tomorrow."

"Thank you for coming, guys. I love you." Dom gazes at his friends.

Tenderness mends something inside of me. His friends respond with affection too, patting him and smiling his way. This group treats themselves as a family, though no blood ties bind them. With lots of luck, I might get a slice of that feeling for myself too. And if I play my cards right, that's a deep connection I can rely on without the risk of heartbreaking goodbyes.

But as of now? It's missing for me. Though I'm coming to understand that I've craved it for a long time.

"See you soon, beautiful." Dom squeezes my hand. "I don't want you to be too worried… but try to be a little worried."

"I'm a little worried still," I murmur.

He gives me a sleepy smile. "Good. Maybe you'll text me later to let me know, when you can spare a minute."

He still doesn't realize I'm really here. It makes me want to stay. I want him to know I gambled a lot coming here, and we lost the advantage now that his friends know there's something between us, but I care enough to be here. I'd like him to see I'm torn. That I want to give him a kiss, maybe on the temple, so his friends don't make a big deal. Tell him Cora got us on the team's plane andI'll fly back home with everyone in the morning, and I'd love to go to his home to help him out at night when there's no one else around.

And it's terrifying that a part of me wishes I could drop a casual 'I love you' like he did with his friends. Except, no. I can't wish that. I don't even… feel… that. Wait. No, of course I don't. It's affection. Care. That's why I'm here in the hospital room despite everything. And Dom's got it right— this is our chance to do things differently. This time, we can avoid pain like I thought I wouldn't survive.

This agreement with Dom will lead me to all sorts of difficult choices. I need to be ready. I need to be careful. And I need to find a way not to let it rob me of all the amazing feelings I'm getting to feel again.

So I don't tell him any of what I feel. But, fuck it. I kiss his temple and smile goodbye, before I leave with his friends.

Before they can ask me any questions, I tell them I'll see them at the airport the next morning and leave. I spend a restless night alone in the hotel. My alarm goes off before I'm ready to start my day, but I shower and collect my things quickly. The whole time, my mind goes round and round, with a whole new set of worries blaring their alarms.

When his friends gaze at me as I come onto the team's plane, I pretend I don't see them. I take my seat next to Cora and get my phone out to text Dom. He's flying with the team for a full second round of check ups in Seattle, but I sat down so fast I don't know where he is on the aircraft.

Mariana: I'll call you tonight, ok? Maybe I can go see you and we can talk. And you'll need some help, right?

Dom: We might want to talk, yeah, but I'll be fine.

Mariana: Are you still on painkillers?

Dom: I am, but they gave me something different.

Mariana: That sounds like a good thing.

Dom: I'm avoiding that other stuff for the rest of my life.

Mariana: Smart. I hope you have a good flight and you're not in a lot of pain. Talk to you later.

I put the phone away to find Cora watching me with a smirk.

"I heard you went to see him in the hospital, you know?" she says.

"I care about him," I confess in a low voice. "In spite of everything. Because of everything. I was worried for him."

"I'm not judging you, but I'm thinking of the possible consequences."

"Well, maybe this is my chance to own my decisions. If only I could stop caring about what other people think so much…"

Cora and I know I'm mostly thinking about Mom and Dad.

She sighs. "No, hermanita. What you need is to learn to be okay when they disapprove. Let them think you're wrong. Who cares? As the designated black sheep child, I promise it will be okay."

"I hate that they might never understand my choices."

She pats my leg. "You'll be okay. We'll keep each other company. We can share a knowing look when they get judgy. Or send each other venting texts when you're back in England."