Page 81 of The Score

He shifts our hands together, until his thumb rests on top of my rings.

He smirks. "If either of us had had a kiss like that before, we wouldn't be here."

That shouldn't feel romantic. My heart shouldn't skip a beat. It shouldn't feel hard to breathe. And none of it happens— not really. They are only a mirage, caused by what we're discussing, and whatever is happening in those deep parts of my brain I have no power over.

I'm glad to know better. Otherwise, the next phase would be having proper romantic feelings. I would start hoping for romantic things, and I could end up pretending I can be romantic like they are in those shows.

Fuck, if only I could be more like the people in those shows, then I might have taken more risks in life. But I'm not.

I manage a small smile. "Do you think Tamara knows we got married?"

He lifts both eyebrows as if he hadn't considered that before. "It's likely, I guess. If she follows anyone on social media… or if she's still in touch with any of her friends from Seattle and someone told her…"

"What do you think she makes of it?"

"I think she'd still be trying very hard not to be jealous. Just like she tried back then."

It shouldn't make me feel better that she was just as jealous of me as I was of her, where neither of us tried to make a big deal out of it. But if I can barely manage the way my body has been acting lately, I have much less power over my heart.

The ledge I step onto is made of old brick and mortar, just like Bear described. Nothing touches me, but I'm wearing a harness and I'm hooked to thick bungee cords.

Wind plays with my hair. My heart beats faster than it ever has. A small river waits down below, with a little boat swaying nearby. It's the rest of the bungee jumping team, waiting to pick me up after I drop myself into oblivion.

It looks so much higher from up here. I bite my lip.

"Ready?" The guy behind me asks.

I glance at Leon on the shore. The distance doesn't prevent me from noticing his frown, or maybe I'm imagining it. He stands tall, with big arms crossed overhis chest. He must be tense, because his shoulders pop. With a cool, short sleeve shirt, his tattooed arms stand out.

So much adrenaline courses through my veins, I'm afraid I'm about to dissociate.

"Ready," I say.

"Alright."

They start the count and I jump as soon as they shout the final number.

I fall. Time suspends. I scream. My brain breaks, and all I get are fragments of the experience. The air on my face, my heart in my throat, and the sound of it all. I have no idea how long this lasts, or whether the world will ever stop rushing around me, or when will the world right itself up again…

Eventually, I'm swaying head down, three quarters of the way between the bridge and the water. The bungee jumping team gets to work on their boat and they bring me down.

"Slow now," they say as they help me sit on the rubber dingy. "Blood is going to rush away from your head."

"I'm dizzy," I say.

And euphoric. Like I've conquered gravity itself.

"Does your husband have the pamphlet?" someone asks.

"Yeah, yeah," I say. "He's a big man."

I don't know why I add the last part, but I do, and I get the giggles.

"Responsible," I say between chortles. "And unfairly handsome."

The two staff people around me chuckle.

One of them smirks. "Temporary dizziness or a headache are normal, but they should be gone soon. You might forget what I'm saying right now, so remember the pamphlet."