Page 78 of The Score

I snort. She's making that joke to my benefit. I'm the only one who can truly know what it means.

"That's the best kind of marriage there is, innit? My Eddie and I grew up together." She signals back to the bar with her head. "Right here in town. Been together for four decades, working his da's pub as soon as we could. Raised four kids in it."

"That sounds lovely," I say.

Someone calls for her.

She taps my shoulder in a comforting manner, and smiles at Pen. "Wishing you many decades together, too."

One last smile, and she leaves swiftly to attend to someone else.

Something different descends to the space between Pen and I. We sip from our fresh pints, and look around the place like we need help finding a new topic of conversation.

It's never been a problem before.

I open my mouth to say something, whatever, when she breaks the silence.

"What happened with Tamara?" she asks.

The question shocks me. I'm not too sure if I managed to close my mouth at all, or it dropped open in surprise. Pen and I talked about Tamara a bit when the relationship ended, but not too much. It turned into somewhat of a taboo, back then, and then it was all over with so there was no reason to bring it up.

Pen doesn't look at me, but runs a finger over the rim of her glass in an endless pattern.

"Tamara?" I repeat, like I didn't hear her right.

Pen's finger stops, but remains balanced on the edge of her pint.

She stares at me from under the ridge of her brows. "Yeah. Tamara. You know? The last girlfriend you had? The one you were with for a long time?"

"Almost two years." I gulp a big swig of beer. "What about her?"

"Yeah, I know you know who I'm talking about. How come you two broke up? I thought… I thought you were going to marry her."

I grab a few fries to buy myself time.

This time, it's me who stares down at his glass. "I thought about it. Yeah."

"Oh my God," she whispers. "I was right?"

My nod is slow. My eyes move but not by much. They get caught on my wedding band, already so familiar on my finger.

To think I might have been wearing this same ring, but it could be Tamara sitting in front of me, wearing Pen's jewelry.

I gulp. None of it sits well in my gut.

"What happened?" Pen asks again.

Back then, marriage to Tamara didn't sit well with me, either. I cared about her, and I knew I'd miss her for a while if she wasn't around. We had fun, both in bed and out. But every time I looked inside, I lacked the heart palpitations, the excitement, the longing.

With Tamara, I just couldn't get there. There was no desperation. Now I'm forced to confront the difference, because of what I've been feeling with Pen since our wedding kiss… and because my wife is asking me about the one woman I considered marrying before.

I stare back at Pen. I purse my lips.

"Why do you want to know?" I ask.