Page 70 of The Score

Chapter 23

Pen

This is perfect.

That's my first thought when I wake up. The feeling surrounding me is coziness incarnate. Absolute warmth. Total safety. It's not a common feeling. I've only felt it a few times before, but I recognize it. It's what it feels like to hug my best friend…

My eyes open wide, but I don't move otherwise. Of course I recognize the feeling of being in Bear's arms, because I'm in them again. In bed. Under the blankets.

Leon is behind me. I'm using his right arm as a pillow. His left arm curves around my waist and, when I steal a glance down, my eyes latch on the shiny band on his ring finger.

Fuck, I mutter silently. I close my eyes. Where is that pillow wall I put all my trust in? Gone, evidently. Myhusband'sbody may be soft, but an underlying heat and hidden strength live right beneath his skin. There's nothing between us, except a layer or two of clothes. There's nothing to help me ignore how good his body feels against mine.

Now my childhood best friend spoons me on the first morning we wake up married, and it feels so good it should be illegal.

I need space. There has to be a way to rationalize all of this. If I shift just a little—

"Don't move," he grumbles.

I manage to mostly hide the gasp coming out of my mouth. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"That is not the issue."

My first reaction is to become immobile. I change my mind as soon as I feel him harden behind me— right against my ass.

"Fuck," he mutters.

While at my parents, his hard-on was a mirage. Something I could pretend I wasn't looking at from the corner of my eye. This is different. It's evident, insistent, and I— I can't. This can't be how I discover if he was joking last night with that bottle. It's not the time to assuage my curiosity, no matter the size of the evidence…

Yet a frisson runs down my spine. The sensation takes over, curling my back until my ass presses on him, seeking… seeking him…

"Pen."

My name comes out of him in a tone I've never heard before. I'm trying to decipher it, and my body decides the best way to do it is to get more friction. I push back again. He must be half-asleep still, because he chooses that moment to grind against me. A long, insistent pass of his cock and—

"Dammit," he groans.

I jump off the bed.

"I need a shower," I squeak.

Whoever chose my pajamas has a sense of humor— or a death wish— because they picked a nightgown that is only a few inches longer than a babydoll. I pull it down my legs, like it can possibly cover enough of my thighs that I won't flash Bear by accident, and dart to the bathroom.

"Shit," I whisper.

I'm breathing hard. My heart is in my throat. In my overwhelm, I can't think much. I turn on the shower, strip, and get under the running water.

The moment Leon's lips touched mine last night, I knew this was the kind of kiss that changes your life. I still went for another one. Only to follow that with what seemed like a hundred small kisses that sparked more of the same. So what do I do when I don't want my life to change? Or, especially, our friendship?

When I'm suddenly hyperaware of how big and attractive he is and I badly want to kiss him again?

When I'm wondering where things might have gone, had I fully responded to the way he grinded his cock against me?

A few products stand in a tiled alcove. I open the shampoo bottle and breathe in the scent. It's flowery but in a herbal way. Camomille? Mint? Something else I can't define, but the change helps bring my heartbeat down. I do nothing but take in the shampoo smell, over and over again.

Sure, he was hard, but the kiss is a bigger deal. I already decided erections are natural and due to hormones and nothing else. The kiss? I can decide something like that, too. Anyone can fall victim to a perfectly romantic moment, even a cynic like me. The happiness billowing through the old greenhouse, my parents' smiles, the tenderness in Bear's eyes. His generosity to be doing this with me, his friendship, our history together. It all came together to explode in my chest like that.

I lather shampoo in my hair, then use it as body wash because why not. That's what I felt. Joy, gratefulness, elation. It makes sense.