Page 63 of The Score

Chapter 21

Bear

The world shook when I kissed Pen. The tremors still inhabit my limbs two hours later as we finish dinner.

Holy fuck. To smile and fake it— that's the plan. I won't eat much, so my stomach doesn't complain more than it is. I'll keep my hands under the table or in my pockets, so the shaking doesn't show. Any alarms blaring in my head will be ignored.

My TV shows, the fanfic, the movies— they all promised it would be like this kiss… but it wasn't supposed to happen when marrying my best friend.

But fuuuck. I can't forget the way she looked at me as if in a daze, or how she kissed me back, dammit. How she reclaimed my mouth, to the point I couldn't help myself and dipped her like I was entitled to her heart and her mouth in equal measure…

I'm not much of a drinker, but the thought has me stealing a big sip of white wine. It swirls uncomfortably in my stomach. That kiss crossed a line I promised I'd never come close to.

Hell, despite the way she kissed me, I think she'd hate to know how I'm feeling. I may have told her she's my soulmate, but that— that's platonic, of course. She would have understood that. Pen has been clear, and I've made promises, and our wedding day isn't the day I commit treason to what we have.

Pen and I sit at the head of a U-shaped table. My parents are at my side, and her parents are next to her. Friends, a couple of Pen's coworkers and cousins from Chile, and my uncle from Norway, all sit around us and finish their meals while chatting and laughing. It's everything I wanted for this evening.

All the unexpected pieces need to be put away, right away.

Staff serve dessert. As plates get placed in front of our guests, the distinct clinking of glasses starts again.

Right. Another kiss, no big deal. Just the third time I put my lips to Pen's tonight. It's not getting easier, but I make myself smile. Pen's mom says something into her ear and my friend— my wife— laughs. It shakes a little when she looks at me, and now Iwantto kiss her.

I put a finger on her chin, tip her head up, and press my lips to hers.

It's short. It's sweet. It's not enough, but damn, I have to let go.

I'm not supposed to be feeling any of this. People cheer and applaud around us, and all I can think about is how the hell am I going to put all of this back to its rightful place. I have to find a way.

I'll pack it tight. I'll hide it away from sight. I'll stop reading fanfic for a while. Whatever is necessary. This friendship means more than anything else.

Pen gazes at me with a look I can't decipher. For once in my life, I don't understand how she feels from one look at her.

I lean close to her ear. "Are you okay? Is this too much?"

Shit. Am I blushing? I don't blush.

She shakes her head. "I just need to get used to it."

"Still weird?" I ask.

She stares at her rings and doesn't respond right away. God. Is she reeling, too? Or is she calm as always, taking my smile and thinking we're still on thesame page? Kissing me, and telling herself it's all for show? For the fantasy we're selling to her parents?

Shit, I bet that's why she kissed me the way she did. For show. Meanwhile, I fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker. Seeing Pen wear a gorgeous white dress and smile as she walked down the aisle to me. Hearing her vows. The ceremony in this beautiful venue. It brought me exactly to— no. It brought metoo closeto what I had always wanted for myself, and now my brain can't tell truth from fiction. That's all.

By tomorrow morning, I'll have it under control.

It's only been a few seconds when Pen shakes her head and smiles. "It will be okay."

I gulp. I nod. Ames' team catered the event, and the dessert in front of me will be delicious. If I can eat it all. I manage a few bites, and a trio of mini tarts with glazed berries explode with a sweet, delicate flavor on my tongue. In the background, our wedding planner goes around whispering a few instructions to a select group of people.

It's time for speeches.

My parents are the first to stand. I'm glad they're here, but we don't talk much about anything that's not perfectly practical. It's always been like that, but they share more now in their speech. They talk about how I changed once I became friends with Pen, and how the Duartes have felt like family for a long time. How they've always felt confident I had a great life here in the US, because I had Pen and her parents. How me marrying the little girl with bright eyes and long hair was inevitable, and they'll take the memories with them back home.

Her parents talk about welcoming me to the family in an official manner— at last.

"I know I couldn't hurt you if I tried," Tío Sergio says, "but of course I would try if you hurt Penélope. The good news for all of us is that I'm so sure you won't, I can promise all sorts of damage I will never have to live up to. We've seen you grow up to be the big, honorable man you are. We know you'd hurtyourself before you hurt her. We know you'll do everything you can to make her happy. And we know she will, too. This was a love written in the stars. We saw it from the start. I can't imagine a better partner for our only daughter."