Page 45 of The Score

"We both know I was hoping he wouldn't see other people, and that's on me, but…"

I go quiet for a second.

Leon's hands are huge. The one closest to me lands on my thigh and rubs.

"I tried to be spontaneous, Bear. Fun. I wanted to show him I knew I couldn't be too upset about things and, well… I invited him out."

"You've always been brave like that."

"And sometimes it gets me in trouble." My voice gets tight. "Not every guy likes that."

"I take it Sean didn't like it? It shows weakness of character if you ask me. A certain masculine fragility."

"Not that you're wrong, but he did worse than that, I'm afraid." My voice thins as I go on with my sentence.

Being close to Bear helps keep the worse of it at bay, but it stings. It digs. All I have to do is remember what Sean said, the way he said it, with gaining speed and volume as he let it all out into the phone, for it to leave papercuts on my skin. It revealed a side of him I didn't expect. It's scary to think that he had that in him, because I never saw it coming.

It happens too often. People revealing ugly parts of themselves in the heat of the moment. I'm tired of looking for red flags, too.

Leon turns to me. Only slightly, so I can keep my arm around his. It brings us close. This time, I don't get to swim in the headiness of feeling safe with him. The worry in his eyes holds me anchored to the ground.

"What happened?" He whispers again.

"He said no." I gulp. My throat hurts. "He got all cagey so I insisted. Eventually he said— he said—"

A tear falls. Leon dries it.

The knot in my throat wobbles. "Sean never planned to go out with me. He said there's never been a future for us. That I'm not the kind of girl he takes out and has a life with in public. That I am theother womanto him."

I let Leon fill in the blanks. It's an unfortunate reality of dating in a big body. There are people who will bed you but not date you. But to me, worse than that, is that someone I liked sees me as disposable.

I'm collateral damage to emotionally stunted men, with harsh, hurtful sides to them that I may never see until it's too late.

Never again. I may never know why this kind of man is all I've found to date, but I'm done guessing. Trying. Waiting.

"I'll punch him," Bear growls. "I'll find him and make him regret everything."

Outrage fills my friend's eyes. We've talked about this before, and I think he understands, even if this isn't an issue he'll ever face. What with him being a handsome, famous football player. He can get anyone he wants, he's just been very picky about it.

"You have to stop making comments like that," I say. "People are going to think you have a bad temper, or worse."

"I don't care. In this I do have a temper."

"Which should never end in a fight again."

"I never meant to actually punch Evan. That fight was in self-defense."

"Like he could have actually hurt you if he hadn't had those silly rings."

"Does Sean wear rings?"

He sounds offended somehow, and I snort.

"Never mind his fashion choices," I say. "I mean it this time. Don't confront Sean. You'll get in trouble with the league."

The funny thing about playing for the pros is that they have all sorts of rules. Some of them involve morality clauses. Players can pay hefty sums of money for breaking the guidelines. In some cases, they can get in real trouble, sometimes involving suspension. Everyone is expected to be on their best behavior. Always.

Bear shrugs like it's not a big deal. "It would be worth getting in trouble for you."