Page 44 of The Score

I can't speak. The dinner Leon was meant to be at was special to him. It was the first time he was invited back to his college for a dinner gala. He was going to be recognized as one of the alumni who made it big, on the same night his old football coach is set to retire. This was his chance to properly celebrate how far he's come in his career.

Instead, he's staring at me from the street, like the most platonic Romeo and Juliet scene in the world.

"This is how it's supposed to be," I squeak. "Why can't other men be more like you? Why is it so impossible to find?"

By the end of it, my voice is so thin it sounds strangled even to my ears. A couple of new tears fall. I let them. It should be impossible, but I think Bear knows it, despite the distance between us.

"Pen." This time, worry wraps his words. "Can I come in?"

"Of course. Yeah. Please."

Two minutes later, I open the door to him. Two seconds later, the door is closed and I'm in his arms.

The fabric of his suit is soft under my cheek. My heart slows down, and the pain dulls to a simple ache. I relax into his hug.

There's no better feeling than this. In Leon's embrace, I'm at peace. No one can reach me or hurt me. My friend's presence, so large, so warm, protects me from all of it. And ah, his smell. I take a deep breath. It has to hold some sort of supernatural power over everything, or perhaps just over me. Somewhere deep in my psyche, I've learned that this means he's close, and that's going to fix everything, every time.

My voice is watery when I speak, but my eyes remain dry. "You're the only man I ever want hugs like this from again."

"All you need to do is ask."

"I didn't even ask this time." I gaze up at him. "You were meant to be enjoying yourself. I thought I could wait until tomorrow."

"It was me who couldn't wait. You said you were heartbroken."

"You didn't have to leave your party."

"Of course I had to." His voice, always so deep, is gravelly now.

"Because you're the best."

He caresses my face. "What happened?"

I trace a pattern on the lapel of his suit. From this close, I notice the hint of blue in the dark fibers of his jacket. He wears a pocket square in light blue, with a soft pattern echoing waves and embroidered details on the edge.

With the tip of my finger, I make a path over the raised dots and lines, and don't respond right away.

He takes a deep breath. "Come. Let's get comfortable."

He takes off his jacket and hangs it from a chair, before sitting on the sofa. I find my place next to him. He interlocks his fingers on his lap, but I hook an arm around his thick biceps. Leaning sideways, I rest my head on his shoulder.

Not seeing him be sad for me makes it easier to share.

I sigh. "Sean sent me a text about dinner tonight, which was a surprise because we didn't have anything planned. It was especially weird because it was to confirm a reservation at a restaurant. You know how after our first walk through the park, we always met at his place or mine?"

"Yeah. You were hoping you'd get an invite like that from him. There was a real possibility you'd go ahead and invite him yourself. I take it that's not how it went?"

"No. I had to call him a couple of times before I got through to him. Turns out, he didn't mean to send the text to me. He's seeing someone else. That alone ruined my afternoon, but I told myself I couldn't complain too much. We'd been seeing each other for a few months but we agreed we weren't exclusive. And I thought, well, our dates were so great, maybe we don't need that conversation yet…"

The change to his breathing pattern is minimal, but I recognize what it means. He's annoyed at Sean already.

"I never liked that he said that." Bear aims for a neutral tone, but it doesn't work.

I smirk. It helps that he's so quick to be on my side.

"I know you didn't," I say, "but I agreed to it. Even if I didn't like it, I couldn't complain."

"Fuck that. You can complain. You agreed to it, but that was a shitty way to learn he's seeing someone else."