Page 147 of The Score

Logan speaks loud enough we can hear him, but keeps going forward. "The first time I came here, I thought Evie wanted to murder me."

We come up to another door which he opens too. We follow him onto what looks like an unfinished rooftop, hidden and unused at one side of the building. Going around the corner, we find a secluded space overlooking the lake, out of view from both the parking lot and the field.

I gaze around for a few seconds, before I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow at Logan. The rest of the guys join us into a circle.

"The question is," I say, "are you planning to murder me?"

"No." Logan crosses his arms as well, his familiar frown already in place. "But I'll do what Evie did with me that day, too."

"Do I really want to know?" I ask.

"Don't stall." He purses his lips. "You know why we're here. To talk."

I sigh. "Fine. I'm listening."

"What the fuck, man." Dom shakes his head at me. "You've spent the past— how long have I known you? Five years? Telling us that you and Pen are friends. Then you marry her. All the way insisting you're friends, mind you."

"We are friends." I clench my jaw.

"Friends who kiss and do who knows what else?" Damián asks.

I want to say yes. I chew the inside of my lip to stop myself. Pen and I are friends who kiss and do other things too. In many ways, I'm getting most of what I would want from my partner. Closeness, emotional intimacy, and mind-blowing sex. Except I don't have Pen's heart the way she has mine. We have rules instead. A hazy deadline for one day in the future. But that's for a reason, too.

"What matters is that we have lines," I say. "We know what we're doing."

Or so I tell myself. If I've really loved Pen romantically for years, I need these lines. Desperately. Otherwise, I'll throw myself into this without looking where I'll land, and I promised Pen I'd protect our friendship above all.

"So you're trying to tell us you're just casually doingsomethingwith Pen?" Saint gives me a dubious look. "Something that, I'm going to guess, is not what best friends are known for?"

"Some friends do things." I frown.

"No, they don't." Damián gives me a stern look. "There may be a big overlap between friendship and romance, but that venn diagram isn't a circle. If friends are doing things, it means there's more there than you're admitting to."

I rub my forehead with stiff fingers. Damián is right, of course. That was the whole point of having lines. To separate my eagerness from what she really wants.

If I'm in love with Pen, I'll need to cut those rose-colored pieces out of my love for her, and put them in a glass jar. It will wait for me on a shelf of my mind. For me to know, and for her to never see. I'll only act on the platonic bits. That way I'll share my feelings for her with no expectations. It's all I have left if I don't want to risk things further.

I cannot lose her.

"I know that," I say. "But Pen and I are friends above all. I promised her."

"It should be funny." Rafa smirks. "Most people end up putting their romantic partner above their friends. Here you are, doing the opposite."

Fuck. When I kissed her in her backyard… that swell of emotions I didn't get to inspect… I think it was this love, too. I've been trying to put it in a jar since then. The only difference is that I finally looked through the glass.

Logan gives me a hard stare. "But you're having platonic and romantic feelings for the same person. How ironic."

I purse my lips. "What tells you I feel both ways?”

If they can see it, Pen might too. But she doesn't have those feelings. She would react poorly if she discovered what I'm discovering. At best, she'd tell me it's a hormone thing. At worst, she'd feel betrayed. Her past tells me what she does when she feels disrespected.

I can't lose her. The best chance I have is to give without taking more than she can offer.

"Are we friends?" Rafa asks.

I shake my head in confusion. They all wait for my answer like it isn't obvious, but I know it's a rhetorical question. I don't answer.

Rafa's smirk worsens. "You don't look at any of us like you look at her."