Page 146 of The Score

Chapter 47

Bear

I find Pen in the cafeteria as soon as I come in. The rest of the team, staff, and guests disappear around me, and all I can see is her. My heart sneers at me, mocking me, daring me to keep clinging to denial, but I don't pay it any mind.

She talks to our friends, but there's tension in her eyes. I frown. I study her like I would study a character in my favorite show. Something is going on. Somewhere in the frame, subtle hints paint the emotional tone of the scene, and to the way the plot moves forward. If I take my eyes away from her, I'll miss it.

The guys and I make our way among tables and people. Pen lifts her eyes at me. Her tension gets hidden away and she smiles. There's a hint of sadness hidden somewhere in the back of her mind, too. So many layers cover it, I force a deep breath into my lungs. This isn't the place to go digging.

But I won't forget. I'll just smile and keep watching, making mental notes until everything clicks into place. I won't blink. I want every second to be mine.

I'm halfway to her. My heart full on cackles at me, but I'm hypnotized by studying Pen. Emotions come alive when I gaze at her, just like when I watch myfavorite scenes. It's beauty, the kind you get from wonderful cinematography, or an adoring fanfic writer giving us more when the show isn't enough.

Ah, if I were an adoring writer, I would want more ofher. To explore my soul and what she brings to it. To my heart, because knowing her means I feel. It's been like that since I met her.

The thought stops me in my tracks. My heart laughs.

Yes, you've been in love with her since the start, you fool.

Even before I could feel that kind of love for people, I loved her. Whenever I yearned for romance, I yearned for her to see me that way. If I ever looked for it elsewhere, I only truly searched for her.

Holy shit.

My chest trembles. My breathing turns shallow. I walk again, but my legs are shaky.

I don't think I can eat. This is just like what I felt after our wedding kiss, but dialed to a hundred. A mirage takes hold of me, showing me that what I always dreamed of could be right here next to me. My best friend and the love of my life may be one and the same. I could be married to my forever person. Except I have no reason to believe she could one day feel this way for me too.

Fuck. What am I supposed to do? I'll need to figure that out, and do it whileevery one of my limbs shakes at the idea of getting it wrong.

I sit next to Pen. We have lunch together with the group.

Pen asks me a couple of times if I'm okay. I tell her I will be. We will be. We have to be.

When I ask, she tells me she's doing okay as well.

The guys and I go back to training. I lose myself in my body and throw myself into work. Compartmentalizing has finally failed me, but I still use it to ignore the way my friends keep watch on me. How they gather and talk quietly. Shit, I think they're making plans. That's why I rushed to get dressed after my shower. As soon as I'm done, I grab my bag and turn to leave. Only to find a wall of men ahead.

My so-called friends stare at me with crossed arms. Logan, Saint, Dom, Damián, and even Rafa.

"You brought in the literal dad to scold me?" I say.

"Why?" Saint asks. "Do you think we need to scold you?"

"You're lucky that I'm into gentle parenting," Rafa says.

"Of course you are." I sigh.

"Come on." Dom hits my shoulder. "You've avoided this for too long."

Damián takes my bag from my hand and stuffs it into my cubby. "For a big guy, you've managed to be quite stealthy."

"Follow me, gentlemen." Logan turns and takes off into the main hall of the building.

I follow with total reluctance, and with the ghost of tremors still running through my limbs. The rest of the guys fall into step behind me. They hold the guard so I don't escape.

Our QB takes us all the way up to the third floor and past the shared office space, where several faces look at us curiously. Players aren't usually in this part of TD, especially not as a pack, but no one stops us. We stride all the way to the back of the building to the storage area. I frown, never having been here, but I keep on going. Logan opens a door leading to a staircase, and goes up like he owns the place.

"Where the hell are you taking me?" I ask.