Page 108 of The Score

"But we agree. This can't breakus. I won't let it."

She nods. "Things may be changing, but we won't let it wreck us."

Our friends' chatter reaches my ears, but I don't give them any attention. I'm in a bubble with Pen, surrounded by a handful of beloved people and many others I don't know. A hundred bodies dance on the floor below. Servers go around our loft, checking for VIPs that might need something, anything, but they leave us alone.

"To think I didn't use to feel these things," Pen whispers, talking to me alone. "For years, I trusted that kiss we shared in my backyard. Flash forward to our wedding when you kiss me again, and now I'm dying to kissyouagain. Have you touch me."

I shut my eyes for a second, two, but force them open right away. I pull away, only enough to gaze at her. I must study her and learn every one of the truths she shares with me.

She's opening herself to me. Brave as always, honest since I met her, and earnest in her spirit. My wife may not be feeling anything romantic toward me,but she's telling me exactly what she does feel. It's sacred. My job is to listen, believe her, and take care of it.

"And when you touch me," she continues, "it reminds me of all the things I didn't get. It tells my body those fantasies could still happen. Who better to do those things with than the person I trust most?"

Her words rip me at the seams. Being someone she's safe with is what I've always wanted. It's how I've proven myself deserving of being picked by her. Paying attention to her needs is a big part of that.

"So what are we going to do about it?" she asks. "I can't hide from you. I can't erase the words I said. But if I have to handle these feelings by myself to protect us, then I will. I will, Leon. Sex has never been worth the pain. It doesn't matter that I'm scared to be feeling this way. What happens after, when these feelings subside, and our bodies calm down, and we're ready to move on? When you find your true love one day. These are the feelings I can't just put away."

I'm starting to think I was the one who put their feelings away, years and years ago. Hell, I'm trying to do that right now, in a way. Does it say something terrible about me? I don't know, because I never let myself go there. I worked so hard at convincing myself I only had platonic feelings for Pen. Today I'm not so sure, but it will take time to inspect it properly. Until then… promises are promises.

I told her I'd marry her by thirty, and I did.

I told her we'd be friends forever and no matter what, I'm doing that.

I told her I would help her with her bucket list, and I fucking will. To the end of time. No matter what it entails.

I lock eyes with her. "If you think about kissing me all the time, I'll kiss you."

Her eyebrows twitch. Her lips part again. So kissable already.

I tilt her chin with two fingers. "And if you have a sexy bucket list that needs addressing, I'll be the one helping you with it."

Her mouth opens further. I ran a thumb over her bottom lip. She gasps.

I lick my lip. "Because if you're feeling all of these things for me, then I'll make you feel them on purpose. We're doing things we mean, or not doing them at all."

"Just— like this? We're going to— what?!"

"We'll talk rules. We'll talk expectations. We'll have a timeline. Whatever you want to do, even if it's nothing at all, we'll do it. You have a damn bucket list for sexy things. I'm your friend and I made you a promise. You need a release. I'll give it to you, Pen."

"Oh my God."

I stand and help her up, until she stands close to me. "Anything you've dreamed of doing in a club?"

"Slow down! Shouldn't we start with a kiss?!"

We manage to disrupt our friends, who now stare at us in shock.

"Everything okay?" Evie asks.

"I'm not kissing you here," I tell Pen.

"Excuse me?" Dom says, but I'm not listening.

"Do you want me to kiss you?" I ask her.

She nods. She's also completely ignoring our friends.

"Then we have to get out of here," I say, and I pull her toward the stairs.

With her hand tight in mine, we leave without saying goodbye.