Page 72 of The Catch

She puts the mostly-full glasses in the sink. It's an attempt to clean up. To appear normal.

"This is important," I say. "We should wait until we're both clear-headed to talk about this."

"Of course. Thank you. This is so sweet. You're right, I'm not clear-headed."

The look on her face tells me that no matter if she believes the words, she's feeling the rejection.

"Shit. Ames. I'm sorry. Let's talk tomorrow after training."

She takes a few steps back and out of the kitchen. "We're going to the club tomorrow night. I was meant to tell you and I forgot. I'm sorry!"

I follow her, but she creates more distance between us. I stay in place, while she places a hand on her door's handle.

"Anyway." Her tone is airy and overly cheery. "We'll talk about it. I promise. If not tomorrow, then on Tuesday. I'll make us breakfast and we'll… debrief."

I have a heart, but I can't feel it. It's disappeared somewhere. It's gone, down into the Earth's crust, finding its way through dirt and rock.

"I'm so fucking sorry." It hurts to talk. "It's what I have to do."

If my dating life is a track record that shows I'll never be Mister Right, accepting her seduction would make me wholly wrong. I could never take advantage of her.

The way my chest crumbles and my heart collapses under the pressure of its hiding place— those matter none at all.

"I get it." She nods a little too vehemently. "It's the right thing to do. I should be thankful. I am! We're good, I promise."

She goes into her room.

"Good night, Saint."

The door closes softly.

I'm nothing but a ghost working the machinery of my body, until I fall into a fitful sleep.

Chapter 24

Ames

Oh my god.

The words appear fully formed in my mind before I can fully wake up. Memories crash against my skull and I hiss—

Saint's face as he tells me he won'tshow me his room. The way the ground seemed to give out from under me, when I finally understood that I had shown my cards, myfeelings, to have them given back to me like that. Gently, wisely, and still so painful I had to make a quick exit and hide behind closed doors.

Embarrassment follows me all day. Its sticky, cold, wet voice whispers into my ear. It tells me I should act like nothing happened, because it would be easier that way. Then it tells me I have to apologize. That I have caused Saint enough trouble, to now add the tangled byproducts of my poor attempt at seduction.

Except I told him we'd talk soon. An explanation is the least I can do. To reassure him he doesn't have to worry about me making things too complicated again.

A text is my overture.

Ames: everything going well today? What's the best plan for the club tonight?

Saint: I'll come home after training and we can go to the club together, if you like

He didn't say anything about things being okay, and only answered the second question. He might have been busy, but damn. I needed reassurance.

I cringe. Worse, when he later has to change our plans.

Saint: I'm sorry, but Coach is keeping us a bit longer. I'm hearing we'll meet you there. Is that okay?