Page 57 of The Catch

"Not tonight," Saint starts, but I've spoken at the same time.

"No." The syllable is sharp on my tongue.

"I'll give him back at some point," she insists, her eyes calculating on me. "I promise. We only get three dates or so before he moves on. Right, Saint?"

Victoria gives Saint a flirting smile. Saint purses his lips in a calculating gesture.

"I'm just wondering if I can get a second round," Victoria says.

The green monster goes into full rage. It roars inside. I want to pull Saint closer and claim him and, dammit, I have no rights to him. It takes five shots of tranquilizer to calm the monster down. From the bitterness on my tongue, the main ingredient is shame.

My chest caves in. Fuck. What a reminder that Saint and I are only friends. That I'm getting in the way of Saint's options.

I'm about to offer to go back to the VIP section when Saint pulls me closer.

"I'm delighted with the partner I have tonight, Victoria," he says. "Besides, you know I never do that."

Victoria shrugs, taking the rejection in stride.

"Worth shooting my shot. Enjoy." She smiles and winks at me. "He's for sure fun. Just don't get attached. He's not built for anything real."

She kisses Saint on the cheek. It's an innocent move, from the looks of it, and Saint knows it. He doesn't react, except for a subtle flinch no one can see or feel but me. I'm the one he keeps close and tight in his arms.

I can't question the soft way his body jerks. I'm too busy managing the jealous mutant inside of me, when it makes an attempt at waking up. It's tempting. A kiss on the cheek is what I do with Saint, and no one else is allowed to use my move. Rage feels better than the embarrassment of forgetting myself and the role I have in Saint's life. I cling, but it escapes me. I'm the roommate that begged for shelter when her ex betrayed her. I am not one of Saint's dates, no matter how powerful the spell of dancing with him was.

Victoria leaves. I gulp a few times. Bitterness still coats my mouth.

"I'm sorry about that." Saint releases me somewhat. "Is everything okay?"

No. Possessiveness like I didn't know drums deep in my bones.

I close my eyes for a beat. His hand rubs my back in long, soothing arches, and I take a deep breath.

The warmth of him against me is an easier, better feeling. I want to keep following the beat while he holds me close. I want to get lost in the fantasy of it again. Pretend that Saint and I danced like this back in college and one thing led to another, and we've been together since.

The thing is, it didn't happen like that. He dated a hundred Victorias back then, and just as many in the years after. We're adults looking for different things. I may not know yet how to turn a long-term relationship to death-do-us-part, and I'm far from being ready to try again, but I know it starts with partners who want the same thing. I just need to figure out a way to not lose myself in the process.

It's a sad realization. I won't get any of that with him. It doesn't serve me to hope Saint will one day change his mind and look at me that way. I know what my role is, what the right path is, and I need to remember that.

He watches me closely.

"I think I need a break," I say.

He nods. "Let's get a drink."

I don't react when he takes my hand and leads me toward the stairs leading up to the VIP section.

A club staff member is opening the velvet rope to let us up, when someone calls from behind us.

"Saint?"

We turn by instinct. It's a brunette this time, but she gazes at my… friend… with less cheek than Victoria and more longing. She looks familiar, somehow, but I can't place her.

"Rebecca?" Saint asks.

He steals a glance at me. I study her face again, hoping it will click. I've seen her before but I don't know…

"Hi—" Rebecca stares at our hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. It's only that I haven't seen you at the club in a while…"