Page 17 of The Catch

"Then I say you should own what you did and be proud," she says. "It might be your only chance at balancing the scales."

"But what if I'm blacklisted now? Suddenly, I lost my most likely network of clients if I aim to get another TV show to cater to. I should have controlled myself better."

"And waited until no one was there to see? But then you would have missed out on the satisfaction! I'm sure that ruining his perfect hair must have felt good."

I laugh. "Don't tell anyone, but yeah."

"And when I zoomed into the video— I'm pretty sure some of it ruined her blouse, too."

My friend may have been trying to lift my spirits, but her words land heavy on my chest. I've tried hard not to think of the woman Aiden cheated on me with. I'm angry at her, sure, but it's him who deserves my rage above all.

He had made a commitment to me. He broke that promise.

"Has he reached out to you yet?" Jo asks.

I shake my head. "And I have not gone to pick my things."

"He texted me." She purses her lips. "It said, 'please talk to her.'"

My mouth opens in a silent gasp. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"No idea. I didn't reply."

Irritation climbs up my torso, that he reached out to my right hand at work rather than to me. Saint is right— Aidan is a coward.

I shake my head. "I think he wants me to reach out. It's a power move of sorts. To show him I'm hurt, or missing him, orsomething."

To know he matters enough to me to be shattered at the breakup. Meanwhile, I spend my days worrying more about repeating my mistakes in love and trying to salvage my business, than the fact Aidan won't be a part of my future.

At times, I wonder if I was in love with him at all.

"Do you want to reach out?" Jo asks.

Through the years, there would be times when I looked at Aidan and wondered if what I felt was love. Even now, I'm not sure, but I can't see what else love couldbe. They say that after the honeymoon is over, love is peace, trust, and safety. I had those things with him— or I thought I did. Comfort filled our days. We werecalm. If that isn't conducive to forever, I don't know what is.

I rub my lips together and shake my head again. "I don't know what I would tell him that I didn't already scream in his face. All I have are questions. Why did he do it? That kind of thing. But I'm not ready to hear the answers."

Maybe I didn't give the right things back. It's possible I don't know what real love is… or how to build it, or how to show it. Hearing him give me excuses may not be an answer to anything, and it might confirm things I fear about myself. And it won't be the thing that will fix my career.

I place the mug on my desk again and run my fingers over my face, then through my hair. "I don't regret what I did, I guess, and I have to stop procrastinating about getting my things. But for the next little while, this kitchen is my focus."

"Sounds good to me. I'll reach out to everyone I know in search of leads. We can ask everyone here to do the same."

I nod.

She echoes the movement. "I'm glad to see you're not devastated, my friend."

I go back to chewing my lip. I'm sure it says something that I don't miss Aidan. I miss the certainty I used to have before I knew of his betrayal. And I miss the security that came with thinking I had decoded the key to forever.

"It's very telling that I'm not," I admit, "but I'm not sure what it means."

"It's okay if you're confused. It's been only two weeks! And you were together for a long time."

"You get it. I am confused. In such a short time I went from heartbroken to deleting him from my heart. Four whole years together with one other person. I should becrushed."

Instead, all I think about these days is how to build a better future. One where he's not included.

I let out a deep, deep sigh.