Page 126 of The Catch

"Was I weak for falling for you all those years ago? This time around, all over again, despite telling you this would be temporary? Maybe. But to me it feels like I've never been more invincible. I've always felt this way for you, Ames. From the moment I met you. I felt something I knew was different, and important, and it scared me. Even then, I tried to do something about it, but I didn't figure out the full truth until you showed up at my door, and I couldn't help my heart."

"The truth?"

"There's no way to test myself or have a guaranteed future but, if I'm going to try with anyone, I want it to be you."

"Oh, God."

"I can't think of anyone else. I don't want anyone else. Have you wondered why I stopped dating as soon as you made it through that door? Now ask why it was so easy, and I'll tell you it's because there's never been anyone else but you."

She covers her mouth with both of her shaky hands. Tears fill her wide-open eyes.

I take one last step toward her.

She speaks through her fingers. "Wanting isn't enough. If it was, I would still be with every ex. I wanted each one of those relationships to last. It wasn't enough."

"But did they want the same thing? If Aidan wanted it, he had a terrible way of showing it."

"The way he keeps— kept trying to get me to give him another chance means he did. He wanted to, and he screwed up. Can we be any better than that? I can't lose you if we wreck this. I still don't know how to make things work—"

"Fuck yes, we can be better. I'll promise it to you. Right here. I will not give up on us. I'll keep showing up and asking you what's wrong, then fixing it. And I'll tell you when I'm struggling, so you can do the same with me."

"It can't be that simple." A tear falls down her face.

I cradle her face and dry the tear with my thumb. The drumming in my chest is insistent, hammering so hard against my breastbone it's at risk of breaking.

"But it is, Ames. It has to be. We can make it be that simple for us. If you feel like I do, then we'll have a million good weeks, like we've had since I told you I'd be your rebound. Hell, since you came to me when you were hurting. I just need you to want the same thing. I crave you to want the same thing. To want me like that."

"Saint…"

"I want you to go for love with me. For your— our— happily ever after. There will be rough times. I want you to get angry with me when I mess up. And I still want you to come to me every time you need something. Give me your every doubt. All the love in your heart. Of course I'll get angry at you at times. Other times I'll ask for a lot, just like I am right now. But we'll do it together."

"I don't know." More tears overflow. "What if I'm not what you need? Because this isn't— I'm not me. I have not fully found myself yet. And what if I end up bending myself backwards? I didn't even realize how much I've done… and if that's not how you make a relationship work, then I have no idea how to… how to…"

"Then let's not know together." I bring my forehead to hers. "Let us figure it out together, bella."

"We should be scared."

"I'm terrified. Who knows what waits for us."

"Then, what? What if you get traded? How do we figure this out long distance? When we're lonely and all we have are texts. Will you feel the same way?"

"I will."

She shakes her head. "You can't know that."

"But I do. You deserve to be loved exactly how you want. And I want to love you that way. That's not going to stop if I'm away. All I need is that you want the same thing."

She doesn't answer.

I frown. "I was going to tell you how I feel after the game. I hoped I'd find a romantic way to show you what's in my heart. I thought I could tell you something… I don't know. Something that would convince you. I guess blurting it all out will have to do."

"I have to think."

"Can you feel, too? Thoughts can get so tangled up. But I'll trust what's in your heart every time."

She stares at me. Motionless. Big beautiful brown eyes, with reddened lids and blushing cheeks.

"If you feel half the things I feel," I add, "you'll want to try with me. And if you don't…"