Page 125 of The Catch

"It's been so good, in fact," she continues, "that I'm forgetting we were meant to end it soon."

I'm too worried to feel happy.

"Maybe…" I lick my bottom lip. "Maybe that's a good thing."

"Is it, though? Our casual deadline isn't too far away. How long can we do this before things get too conf— complicated?"

"Infinite. We'll uncomplicate it."

I never understood the idea of forever until it took root in my heart. Until I got her out of her room and into mine. Now it escapes my lips and it's easy. I want it more than ever.

"It doesn't have to be complicated or confusing," I add. "We can make it what we want."

"What do we want? Saint, I'm afraid what we have is a relationship and not a rebound thing."

My heart beats fast. My lungs only pull shallow pants. Everything blurs but Ames standing still across the kitchen island.

"Is that so bad?" I ask.

"We didn't mean to make it into a relationship but we fell into it anyway. It's too soon. I don't want to make the same mistakes."

"Then we… don't. We keep each other in check. Whatever mistakes you think we might make. We'll tackle them."

"Are you trying to tell me you're okay with this?"

I had never had tunnel vision like this before. It makes everything look like crystal. Things look so fragile, I hesitate.

Her brow pulls up high in the center. Wrinkles draw lines on her forehead. Her shoulders pull up.

She expects a no.

I'm not ready to tell her everything and do it right. It has to be okay. I'll have to find my way in the dark.

"Yes, Ames. More than okay. I was going to wait until I was back. Until our deadline, so we had time—"

"What?"

"I was going to ask you to go on a date with me. A real one. The kind where we talk about us and the future and I was going to…"

Something in her face stops me.

"Why?" she asks.

I keep my movements slow, lest I spook her. Rounding the island, I come close to her.

She lifts her eyes up at me. I give her a tenuous smile.

"Why do you think?"

I say it like it's obvious. It hangs in the air with finality.

She studies me, mouth opening bit by bit. Her gasp comes after.

"But—" she stalls. "But we said… and you never… you're not looking for the same… thing…"

"Ames…"

"I relied on you being strong!"